Restricted Access
by sussiekitten
Summary: AU – A dip into the email folders and text messages of the modern Inheritance Crew. Beware: contains profanity, sexual innuendos, mild character bashing, hetero stuff and gayness of the homosexual and lesbian kind.
1. Chapter One

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Eragon or anything associated with the Inheritance Cycle. Nor do I own any of the games, books, DVDs or series/movie quotes that may come up in this.

**Claimer: **I, SussieKitten, own this plot and the story. Borrow or steal my plot, my original characters (Aksel) or story and I will report you. I also own my version of Saphira/Thorn/Shruikan/Glaedr's human appearances, as well as my characterisation of good!Durza and Tornac.

**Warnings:** Slash/Shōnen-ai – meaning mild guy x guy action. Femslash/Shōjo-ai – meaning mild girl x girl action. Het – meaning mild guy x girl action. Swearing or strong language. Mature content – references to sexual relations. Humoristic elements – beware of crack and attempts at being funny. **Weird pairings – watch out for surprise crack pairings.** If any of this disturbs you, click on the "back" button. I won't tolerate any flames.

**A/N** After recent events in Norway, my dear home country, I needed a little uplift. This story is just cracky and ridiculous enough to provide that. I haven't been able to write in two or so weeks, but I'll get back to it soon. So I have decided to post this story while my creativity, as well as myself and my country, recovers.

This piece was inspired by a story I once read by my good friend **Chasyn**. Sadly, it is no longer on **Chasyn**'s profile. It was taken down years ago. However, I fell for it and now, years later, I'm doing my own rendition. A crack heavy Inheritance Cycle rendition, mind you.

Again, as I said above; look out for surprise crack pairings. Not everyone is going to be paired up with the person you might (naturally or otherwise) assume they're going to. Consider my story _Love Songs (They Kill Me) _[aka, the proper title that FFnet refused to let me post!] a sort of prelude, pairing wise, to this. Here you'll see things like that more on paper, just in email form.

**Also, all the people in this are good.** That means that both Shruikan and Durza are good people, though Durza can be a bit of an asshole. You'll see what I mean later. **And, as usual, the ages range from 20-21 (Eragon, Saphira, Aksel) to 23-24 (Murtagh, Thorn, Tornac) to 26-28 (Durza, Shruikan, Glaedr).**

I'll throw in an email explanation in every chapter so there's no doubt as to who is who. Eragon: _nolotrjks_. Murtagh: _chiaroscuro_. Saphira: _sapphira_. Thorn: _ild_drage_. Aksel: _dAftpUnk_. Vanir:_ V23_Th90_. Arya: _btrthnarwn_. Nasuada: _nas_blk_. Roran: _r_gson_. Katrina: _LadyLuck_. Tornac: _gnixes_. Durza: _drkshde_. Shruikan: _sh_darc._ Glaedr: _iMaestro_.

Not all of these characters appear in every chapter, but there will be references to them or maybe even group emails sent to people. This way you can do a quick-check to see who is who and who is being let in on what gossip.

Also, dear readers; do remember to read the subject line. It's usually a part of the actual message, and if it's not, then there might be a joke in it. You'll see what I mean.

Finally (I promise), a little note on my dividers in this story. :: means a separation between emails/text messages in the same chain. -:- means that a new email/text chain is taking over for the previous one.

You may now carry on to read this...monstrosity.

**DECEMBER 20011: PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS A REWRITTEN VERSION OF THE ORIGINAL CHAPTER. **

* * *

><p>College is a once in a lifetime experience. It is a chance to meet new people, make new friends, challenge yourself and experience what it is like to be considered an adult by your peers.<p>

College is also, of course, hell on earth. Depending on the course you choose, you may as well have sold your soul to the devil. There is always that one essay you forget about, the bricks masquerading as your textbooks, and that one professor whose class you just know you're going to fail because he keeps making you fall asleep.

A student's diet is known to include a cup of coffee every morning and ramen noodles for dinner because, let's face it, you can't afford anything else. Despite whatever loan or grant you are given or have applied for, somehow the money seems to disappear the moment you get it.

But if you are lucky, the friends you make or already have will be a vital part in your survival of the college suck-fest. No matter what, they will always be there with shenanigans to make you smile, a shoulder to cry on, someone to study with and someone to relax with that one lone afternoon in November when you're finally caught up with all your work.

All these things and more make up the part of your life called your college years. Here is the adventure of a large group of friends at the colourful Carvahall University College.

**RESTRICTED ACCESS**

**CHAPTER ONE**

Eragon loved his friends. Really, he did, but sometimes he questioned his own sanity when it came to the company he kept.

Or rather, one particular company he kept. He was stuck with Murtagh – they were brothers after all. But Aksel was another thing entirely. Aksel was...well, _Aksel_.

And that day he decided to live up to his reputation.

::

_**From: **__dAftpUnk_

_**To: **__nolotrjks, sapphira_

_**Subject: **__OMG_

_Sent 09.15.2010, 1.09 PM_

_Attachment: p90867_

OMG, I just saw teh hottest guy evah! 3 check out the pic, you will not regret it! those pants should be illegal.

...

I take that back! dear God, do not make them illegal! I would just die. TTATT

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> creepy music + darkness + breathing + falling book = AAAAAAAAARGH!

* * *

><p>::<p>

Eragon wasn't sure what to believe. Sure, Aksel could be a little...eccentric at times, but seriously?

He slowly began to write out a reply.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ sapphira, dAftpUnk_

_**Subject: **__re:OMG_

_Sent 09.15.2010, 1.12 PM _

...Aksel, why are you sending us pictures of some guy's ass?

* * *

><p><em>The Fourth Rule (Ian Caldwell &amp; Dusting Thomason):<em> really good, but I really wish it had had a more conclusive ending

* * *

><p>::<p>

A few minutes later, he felt himself sigh in relief. Saphira had answered. She would know what to say to this nonsense.

::

_**From: **__sapphira _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks, dAftpUnk_

_**Subject:**__re:re:OMG_

_Sent 09.15.2010, 1.13 PM_

I agree with Eragon, though his butt is nice. I'll give you that, Aksel.

::

...Or maybe not.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ sapphira, dAftpUnk_

_**Subject:**__WTF?_

_Sent 09.15.2010, 1.15 PM_

SAPHIRA! WHY ARE YOU ENCOURAGING HIM?

* * *

><p><em>The Fourth Rule (Ian Caldwell &amp; Dusting Thomason):<em> really good, but I really wish it had had a more conclusive ending

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ sapphira, nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__duh_

_Sent 09.15.2010, 1.17 PM_

lol, thnx Saph. anyhow~ I'm sendin' it cos he's my next stalker victim~ I will have that ass. :3

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> creepy music + darkness + breathing + falling book = AAAAAAAAARGH!

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ dAftpUnk, sapphira_

_**Subject: **__AKSEL!_

_Sent 09.15.2010, 1.20 PM_

you are such a perv. why am I friends with you again?

* * *

><p><em>The Fourth Rule (Ian Caldwell &amp; Dusting Thomason):<em> really good, but I really wish it had had a more conclusive ending

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ sapphira, nolotrjks_

_**Subject:**__re:AKSEL!_

_Sent 09.15.2010, 1.21 PM_

duh. cos you love me~ ;)

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> creepy music + darkness + breathing + falling book = AAAAAAAAARGH!

* * *

><p>::<p>

He twitched.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ sapphira, dAftpUnk_

_**Subject:**__re:re:AKSEL!_

_Sent 09.15.2010, 1.22 PM_

I DO NOT

* * *

><p><em>The Fourth Rule (Ian Caldwell &amp; Dusting Thomason):<em> really good, but I really wish it had had a more conclusive ending

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__sapphira _

_**To:**__ dAftpUnk, nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__Boys_

_Sent 09.15.2010, 1.24 PM_

- let's calm down. Aksel, does this behind have a name?

::

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ sapphira, nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__le sob_

_Sent 09.15.2010, 1.26 PM_

it does, but I do not know it! :'(

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> creepy music + darkness + breathing + falling book = AAAAAAAAARGH!

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ sapphira, dAftpUnk_

_**Subject: **__..._

_Sent 09.15.2010, 1.27 PM_

and how long have you been stalking this guy?

* * *

><p><em>The Fourth Rule (Ian Caldwell &amp; Dusting Thomason):<em> really good, but I really wish it had had a more conclusive ending

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ sapphira, nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__re:..._

_Sent 09.15.2010, 1.29 PM_

one hour and twelve minutes. :3 we're in the library now. hurr~

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> creepy music + darkness + breathing + falling book = AAAAAAAAARGH!

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ sapphira, dAftpUnk_

_**Subject: **__re:re:..._

_Sent 09.15.2010, 1.30 PM_

there are no words

* * *

><p><em>The Fourth Rule (Ian Caldwell &amp; Dusting Thomason):<em> really good, but I really wish it had had a more conclusive ending

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__sapphira_

_**To:**__ dAftpUnk, nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__Idea_

_Sent 09.15.2010, 1.31 PM_

Maybe you should try to say hi?

::

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ sapphira, nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__re:Idea _

_Sent 09.15.2010, 1.33 PM_

HAHAHHAHAHA.

no, I'd die. I'm not prepared yet! I'll say somethin' stupid and scare him away forever! and I really want that ass!

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> creepy music + darkness + breathing + falling book = AAAAAAAAARGH!

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ sapphira, dAftpUnk_

_**Subject: **__re:re:Idea_

_Sent 09.15.2010, 1.34 PM_

who says that's not going to happen anyway?

* * *

><p><em>The Fourth Rule (Ian Caldwell &amp; Dusting Thomason):<em> really good, but I really wish it had had a more conclusive ending

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__sapphira _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks, dAftpUnk_

_**Subject: **__Eragon!_

_Sent 09.15.2010, 1.35 PM_

That wasn't very nice.

::

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ sapphira, nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__lol_

_Sent 09.15.2010, 1.37 PM_

it's ok, Saph. I know Era loves me. ;)

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> creepy music + darkness + breathing + falling book = AAAAAAAAARGH!

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ sapphira, dAftpUnk_

_**Subject: **__re:lol_

_Sent 09.15.2010, 1.38 PM_

do not

* * *

><p><em>The Fourth Rule (Ian Caldwell &amp; Dusting Thomason):<em> really good, but I really wish it had had a more conclusive ending

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__sapphira _

_**To:**__ dAftpUnk, nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__Honestly_

_Sent 09.15.2010, 1.40 PM_

Boys, don't forget – class in thirty-five minutes. I'll meet you there. We can talk more then.

::

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks, sapphira_

_**Subject: **__re:Honestly_

_Sent 09.15.2010, 1.42 PM_

copy that! c ya later! I'm off to stalk some more~

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> creepy music + darkness + breathing + falling book = AAAAAAAAARGH!

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__nolotrjks_

_**To:**__ sapphira_

_**Subject: **__re:Honestly_

_Sent 09.15.2010, 1.43 PM_

seriously, why am I friends with him again?

* * *

><p><em>The Fourth Rule (Ian Caldwell &amp; Dusting Thomason):<em> really good, but I really wish it had had a more conclusive ending

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__sapphira _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__re:re:Honestly_

_Sent 09.15.2010, 1.44 PM_

Oh, Eragon.

-:-

Eragon had _prayed_ that the topic would be dropped after class. But apparently God wasn't answering his prayers. As usual.

_Dammit_.

"So, is he cute?" Saphira asked.

Eragon reminded himself that it was wrong to hit women. Also, Saphira would only hit him back, and she hit _hard_.

"He's a hunk of man-beef," Aksel clarified. "Not Shruikan man-beef, but definitely like Murtagh-class man-beef."

"_Oooh_."

"Do we have to talk about this?" Eragon wanted to hit himself when he heard the whine in his voice.

"If you only went and got yourself a boyfriend then we could coo over him," Saphira said seriously. "Until then I have to live vicariously through Aksel's sex life."

"You have a boyfriend!"

Saphira just smiled.

Eragon wondered again why he was friends with these people.

-:-

Murtagh often wondered how it was that he knew so many people. Frequently he blamed his roommate and his little brother. Thorn was one of the friendliest guys in the world and people had always flocked around Eragon.

Somehow, associating with them had landed Murtagh right in the middle of a huge friend circle. He refused to count the people he knew. If he just ignored the number then he could go around pretending to still be his old anti-social self.

Of course, ignoring the issue didn't mean he could ignore people. Apparently that was rude.

So, when one of his acquaintances emailed him, while he was on his laptop even, Murtagh had to answer.

::

_**From: **__V23_Th90_

_**To: **__chiaroscuro, iMaestro, drkshde, nas_blk_

_**Subject: **__Thursday 09.30_

_Sent 09.27.2010, 11.28 PM_

The professor contacted me earlier. The rehearsal has been rescheduled from 1 pm to 2.30 pm. I hope this won't inconvenience anyone, but the room was booked at the last minute.

-Vanir T.

673-24-901

::

Murtagh made a mental note to write down the information when a second email popped up. He crocked an eyebrow. Since when was Vanir of the chatty sort?

::

_**From: **__V23_Th90_

_**To: **__chiaroscuro_

_**Subject: **__PS._

_Sent 09.27.2010, 11.30 PM_

Tell that annoying friend of your brother's to stop stalking me.

-Vanir T.

673-24-901

::

Murtagh wanted to laugh. Oh, this was _priceless_.

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro _

_**To: **__V23_Th90_

_**Subject:**__ re:PS._

_Sent 09.27.2010, 11.33 PM_

Who, Aksel? He's harmless. He probably thinks you're cute, for some deranged reason.

::

_**From: **__V23_Th90_

_**To: **__chiaroscuro_

_**Subject:**__ re:re:PS._

_Sent 09.27.2010, 11.34 PM_

Very amusing. Just tell him to stop.

-Vanir T.

673-24-901

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro _

_**To: **__V23_Th90_

_**Subject:**__ re:re:re:PS._

_Sent 09.27.2010, 11.36 PM_

Why don't you tell him yourself? Or are you scared to actually talk to the kid? He's only half as crazy as he looks.

Also, why are you signing with your name and number? It's fucking weird.

::

_**From: **__V23_Th90 _

_**To: **__chiaroscuro_

_**Subject:**__ re:re:re:re:PS._

_Sent 09.27.2010, 11.39 PM_

It's an automatic setting. I don't bother to turn it off just for the occasional email to you plebeians.

-Vanir T.

673-24-901

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro _

_**To: **__V23_Th90_

_**Subject:**__ Weirdo_

_Sent 09.27.2010, 11.40 PM_

See above.

::

_**From: **__V23_Th90 _

_**To: **__chiaroscuro_

_**Subject:**__ Plebeian_

_Sent 09.27.2010, 11.41 PM_

See above.

-Vanir T.

673-24-901

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro_

_**To: **__V23_Th90_

_**Subject:**__ ooooh_

_Sent 09.27.2010, 11.43 PM_

Really mature, Vanir. You really nailed me there.

Hah. You wish.

You can deal with Aksel yourself. Unless you're too scared to. *smirk*

::

_**From: **__V23_Th90_

_**To: **__chiaroscuro_

_**Subject:**_

_Sent 09.27.2010, 11.45 PM_

We shall see.

-Vanir T.

673-24-901

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro _

_**To: **__V23_Th90_

_**Subject: **__re:_

_Sent 09.27.2010, 11.46 PM_

Bring it, scaredy-cat.

-:-

There were times when Tornac really wondered why he had agreed to room with Durza Shade. One, the man was clearly insane. Two, he was hot. Three, he rarely believed in clothes around the apartment. And four, he seemed determined to bang his way through the entire campus.

Thankfully, the first statement cancelled out the second and third one. Then again, as much as he could appreciate Durza's physique, Tornac went more for men that were cuter.

There was only one exception of that rule, and they had both agreed never to talk about that time again. Besides, it allowed Tornac to focus on his new 'crush'.

That day was just like any other. Tornac let himself into the apartment and rolled his eyes at the sound of moaning. He walked over to his room and kicked the door shut.

A little music cancelled out the pornographic moaning in the background and booting up his laptop gave him something else to focus on.

The minute he checked his emails, Tornac even forgot he had a roommate.

"Oh, Aksel."

::

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ sapphira, nolotrjks, gnixes_

_**Subject: **__HELP!_

_Sent 10.13.2010, 02.06 PM_

apparently my stalkin' skillz are somewhat lacking. desperate help needed! TTATT

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> oh GOD, that wasn't there before!

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ dAftpUnk_

_**Subject: **__re:HELP!_

_Sent 10.13.2010, 02.16 PM_

Then why don't you ask your sister? Didn't she stalk down that gf of hers?

* * *

><p>S1, ep.11 Scarecrow – Dean: "Dude, you're fugly."<p>

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__re:re:HELP!_

_Sent 10.13.2010, 02.18 PM_

yea, she did, but dude – so not askin' my sis for advice on catchin' a dude.

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> oh GOD, that wasn't there before!

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ dAftpUnk _

_**Subject: **__re:re:re:HELP!_

_Sent 10.13.2010, 02.19 PM_

You have a point there, young grasshopper.

* * *

><p>S1, ep.11 Scarecrow – Dean: "Dude, you're fugly."<p>

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__re:re:re:re:HELP!_

_Sent 10.13.2010, 02.20 PM_

ya think?

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> oh GOD, that wasn't there before!

* * *

><p>::<p>

He chuckled softly. Aksel really did know how to land himself in impossible situations.

"What now?"

Tornac jumped. He turned around in his chair to see his shirtless roommate lounging in the doorway.

He was sure he had closed the door.

"Finished with your meal?"

Durza crocked an eyebrow slowly.

"I'll take that as a yes."

"Hn." Durza pushed himself away from the door frame. "I have a late shift."

"Remember your keys, then. Letting in two rutting rabbits at 2 AM is no fun when you're not allowed to join," Tornac said and pouted.

Durza snorted and left him sitting there.

Tornac watched him go and added another mental note. His roommate was also _weird_. And didn't believe in underwear.

-:-

Saphira wanted to sigh. She loved her friends dearly, but there were times she really wanted to hit those boys over the head.

Thankfully she loved them too much for that. She settled for replying to Aksel's distraught email instead.

::

_**From: **__sapphira _

_**To:**__ dAftpUnk, nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__re:HELP!_

_Sent 10.13.2010, 02.30 PM_

He caught you, huh?

::

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks, sapphira_

_**Subject: **__re:re:HELP!_

_Sent 10.13.2010, 02.32 PM_

...yeah, kind of.

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> oh GOD, that wasn't there before!

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ dAftpUnk, sapphira_

_**Subject: **__re:re:re:HELP!_

_Sent 10.13.2010, 02.33 PM_

dude. fail

::

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ sapphira, nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__re:re:re:re:HELP!_

_Sent 10.13.2010, 02.35 PM_

I know. TTATT

help plz? Tornac was of no help at all, dat ass.

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> oh GOD, that wasn't there before!

* * *

><p>::<p>

Saphira laughed quietly to herself. Of course Tornac would be of no help. He and Aksel were too similar, especially when it came to their perverted humour and inability to stalk.

::

_**From: **__sapphira _

_**To:**__ dAftpUnk, nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__re:re:re:re:re:HELP!_

_Sent 10.13.2010, 02.38 PM_

I would think so, after everything he's done to catch attention to his stalkee and still nothing.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ dAftpUnk, sapphira_

_**Subject: **__WHAT?_

_Sent 10.13.2010, 02.42 PM_

what stalkee?

::

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks, sapphira_

_**Subject: **__re:WHAT?_

_Sent 10.13.2010, 02.43 PM_

SECONDED!

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> oh GOD, that wasn't there before!

* * *

><p>::<p>

Saphira rolled her eyes. She was not about to spill Tornac's secret. That was his job.

::

_**From: **__sapphira _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks, dAftpUnk_

_**Subject: **__Men!_

_Sent 10.13.2010, 02.46 PM_

Whatever. Just tell him you like him. Maybe even ask him out?

::

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks, sapphira_

_**Subject: **__...urrr_

_Sent 10.13.2010, 02.48 PM_

he asked me to stop stalkin' him. somehow I doubt I'll be getting a date out of him anytime soon...

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> oh GOD, that wasn't there before!

* * *

><p>::<p>

She sighed. She looked at the calendar quickly before writing out a reply.

::

_**From: **__sapphira _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks, dAftpUnk_

_**Subject: **__Friday _

_Sent 10.13.2010, 02.50 PM_

Oh Aksel. How about a film night this Friday (the 15th)? We will even agree to watch one of your horror flicks.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ sapphira, dAftpUnk_

_**Subject: **__re:Friday_

_Sent 10.13.2010, 02.51 PM_

...we will?

::

_**From: **__sapphira _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks, dAftpUnk_

_**Subject: **__re:re:Friday_

_Sent 10.13.2010, 02.53 PM_

Yes, we will.

So what do you say, Aksel? Chinese, lots of ice cream and snacks, and a flick of your choice?

::

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks, sapphira_

_**Subject: **__3_

_Sent 10.13.2010, 02.54 PM_

I love you guys. it's a date.

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> oh GOD, that wasn't there before!

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__nolotrjks_

_**To:**__ sapphira_

_**Subject: **__I hate you_

_Sent 10.13.2010, 02.56 PM_

just so you know

::

Saphira laughed.

-:-

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject: **__favour_

_Sent 10.16.2010, 07.21 PM_

I need a teeny tiny favour, oh dearest brother of mine. that guy I saw you talking with yesterday – what's his name?

* * *

><p><em>Duma Key (Stephen King):<em> trippy. definitely. but still, interesting

* * *

><p>::<p>

Murtagh stared at his screen to be sure he was actually seeing what he thought he was seeing.

Was his brother really asking about Vanir? _Vanir?_

This had better not mean that Eragon was interested in the guy too. Murtagh would hate to have to kill the guy. Vanir was sometimes useful when it came to studying, no matter how smug the bastard was.

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__re:favour_

_Sent 10.16.2010, 07.24 PM_

Oh God, don't tell me you have a crush on him too. Aksel was pathetic enough.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject: **__Murtagh!_

_Sent 10.16.2010, 07.27 PM_

no. eww. I prefer my men to actually be nice. you're the one with the fucking bad boy complex

I'm asking for Aksel. not because he asked me, but because I want to talk to this jerk

* * *

><p><em>Duma Key (Stephen King):<em> trippy. definitely. but still, interesting

* * *

><p>::<p>

"Low blow, little brother."

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__Oh, baby brother_

_Sent 10.16.2010, 07.31 PM_

It amuses me to no end how you can say "fucking" but rarely call someone anything worse than jerk.

And if he wants to know, he can mail me himself.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject: **__fuck off_

_Sent 10.16.2010, 07.33 PM_

he's scared shitless of you, and you know it

just tell me already!

* * *

><p><em>Duma Key (Stephen King):<em> trippy. definitely. but still, interesting

* * *

><p>::<p>

Murtagh smirked. Oh yes, and he was damn proud of that too.

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__Promises, promises_

_Sent 10.16.2010, 07.37 PM_

Fine, fine. Vanir Therr, 26, bastard/snob extraordinary. Biology major. Plays the violin for culture credit. I'm sure you can find him on the university website.

Tell Aksel to start crushing on someone more sensible.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject: **__EWW!_

_Sent 10.16.2010, 07.38 PM_

stop being such an asshole, Tag

* * *

><p><em>Duma Key (Stephen King):<em> trippy. definitely. but still, interesting

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__chiaroscuro _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__You know you want it_

_Sent 10.16.2010, 07.40 PM_

Can't. It's in my blood.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject:**__ NO!_

_Sent 10.16.2010, 07.41 PM_

why am I even related to you?

* * *

><p><em>Duma Key (Stephen King):<em> trippy. definitely. but still, interesting

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__chiaroscuro _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__Denial is not just a river in Egypt_

_Sent 10.16.2010, 07.43 PM_

I guess you got lucky. *smirk

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject: **__STFU_

_Sent 10.16.2010, 07.45 PM_

I'm so telling mom on you

* * *

><p><em>Duma Key (Stephen King):<em> trippy. definitely. but still, interesting

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__chiaroscuro _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__Try me_

_Sent 10.16.2010, 07.46 PM_

See above, squirt.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject: **__You die_

_Sent 10.16.2010, 07.48 PM_

you'll regret that, asshole

* * *

><p><em>Duma Key (Stephen King):<em> trippy. definitely. but still, interesting

* * *

><p>::<p>

He chuckled. "Do your worst, little brother."

-:-

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ V23_Th90_

_**Subject: **__Hello_

_Sent 10.16.2010, 09.02 PM_

We haven't been formally introduced, but I am Murtagh's little brother Eragon. You may also know me as your ex-stalker's best friend.

You, sir, are an asshole.

Good day.

-:-

It had taken a lot of courage – and boredom – for Eragon to actually send the email to Vanir the day before. But Aksel was one of his best friends, even though he was a total ditz, had appalling taste in men and desperately needed a brain filter. He did it for Aksel.

That courage vanished the instant Eragon saw that Vanir had replied. He had to take five minutes to gather the necessary courage to open the email and read it.

::

_**From: **__V23_Th90 _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__re:Hello_

_Sent 10.17.2010, 04.11 PM_

I was indeed wondering when your brother was going to introduce us, however indirectly.

Pray tell, what have I done to deserve such a Murtagh-esque insult?

-Vanir T.

673-24-901

::

Eragon stared. Was this guy for real?

He glared. For that, he was not about to be 'nice'.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ V23_Th90_

_**Subject: **__re:re:Hello_

_Sent 10.17.2010, 04.18 PM_

You called Aksel a bottle-blond man-bimbo with sub-average intelligence, appalling fashion sense and below-par looks who must be stupider than he looks if he thinks you would bother to even acknowledge his presence.

I have six things to say about that

1. That's his actual hair colour

2. He's not a man-bimbo, and also, by saying this you're negating your fifth "statement"

3. His major may be music, but he's at the top of his music history class. You can ask the TA Glaedr for more information, as he has been to more than one of Aksel's classes

4. He doesn't have a style, which makes him interesting, unlike your obvious and boring Oxford nerd look

5. Negated, as seen above. He actually is rather attractive. Why he bothers with you is beyond me

6. Negated since you actually did acknowledge his presence

To sum it up, you are a stuck-up, self-centred snob.

Next time, try to take a leaf out of Murtagh's book while insulting someone. Maybe you'll actually do it right.

::

_**From: **__V23_Th90 _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__re:re:re:Hello_

_Sent 10.17.2010, 04.21 PM_

You must have taken at least pre-Law. I'm impressed.

I do whoever object to your characterisation of my person. I am not a boring Oxford nerd and neither am I a stuck-up, self-centred snob.

-Vanir T.

673-24-901

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ V23_Th90_

_**Subject:**__re:re:re:re:Hello_

_Sent 10.17.2010, 04.27 PM_

I beg to differ.

1. You wear Oxford shirts, cardigans, blazers and slacks. Who are you kidding?

2. Your email consists of the chemical elements Vanadium and Thorium. Again, who are you kidding?

3. You went straight to defending yourself instead of commenting on my characterisation of my friend, who you wrongfully accused of said statements

Also, I did take pre-Law, and that you're impressed does not impress me.

::

Eragon nodded. Smug asshole. Who did Vanir think he was?

::

_**From: **__V23_Th90 _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks_

_**Subject:**__re:re:re:re:re:Hello_

_Sent 10.17.2010, 04.30 PM_

You continue to impress me. How about a coffee sometime?

-Vanir T.

673-24-901

::

He stared. Then he stared some more.

Say _what_?

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ V23_Th90_

_**Subject:**__re:re:re:re:re:re:Hello_

_Sent 10.17.2010, 04.32 PM_

No. Try to approach me, and I will sic Murtagh on you.

Good day.

-:-

Saphira was reading a book for her literature class when her laptop let out a tinny thrill over her music. She looked up. She didn't expect to hear from Aksel or Eragon after the movie marathon on Friday, but God only knew how those two could get themselves into trouble if she wasn't there to watch over them.

She marked her place in the book and made to get up, something that her boyfriend immediately disapproved of.

"No," Glaedr protested and pulled her back against him. "Stay here. It can't be important."

She giggled. "It could be Eragon or Aksel."

"It's probably something from the groups you're subscribed to," he said and nuzzled her cheek. "It can wait."

"Glaedr."

"It's cuddling time. No interruptions allowed."

She shook her head and slipped out of his arms.

She arrived in time to get Aksel's answer to Eragon's original email.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ sapphira, dAftpUnk_

_**Subject: **__Advice_

_Sent 10.17.2010, 07.02 PM_

Aksel, stay well away from Vanir. he's a stuck-up, self-centred asshole that cares about no one but number one. he's not worth it

* * *

><p><em>Skellig (David Almond): <em>oddly moving

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks, sapphira_

_**Subject: **__whut?_

_Sent 10.17.2010, 07.38 PM_

you spoke to him?

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> WHAAAAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUCK?

* * *

><p>::<p>

Saphira crocked her eyebrow and immediately started to type. Oh, those boys.

::

_**From: **__sapphira _

_**To:**__ dAftpUnk, nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__re:whut?_

_Sent 10.17.2010, 07.40 PM_

Seconded. When did you do this, Eragon?

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ sapphira, dAftpUnk_

_**Subject: **__re:re:whut?_

_Sent 10.17.2010, 07.43 PM_

I emailed him. bribed the address out of Tag

I insulted him, he was impressed and fucking ASKED ME OUT! no, just no. forget about him, please, Aksel

* * *

><p><em>Skellig (David Almond): <em>oddly moving

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks, sapphira_

_**Subject: **__WHUT?_

_Sent 10.17.2010, 07.45 PM_

you have his address and you didn't share? bad dog! gimme!

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> WHAAAAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUCK?

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ dAftpUnk, sapphira_

_**Subject: **__re:WHUT?_

_Sent 10.17.2010, 07.46 PM_

NO! just stay away from him. you'll thank me one day

* * *

><p><em>Skellig (David Almond): <em>oddly moving

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ sapphira, nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__PWEASE!_

_Sent 10.17.2010, 07.49 PM_

he is the perfect lovechild of my two fiction crushes – Severus Snape and Shaun

Hastings. I MUST HAVE HIM!

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> WHAAAAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUCK?

* * *

><p>::<p>

Saphira had to giggle at that.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ sapphira, dAftpUnk_

_**Subject: **__..._

_Sent 10.17.2010, 07.52 PM_

you are seriously disturbed, Aksel

* * *

><p><em>Skellig (David Almond): <em>oddly moving

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From:**__ sapphira_

_**To:**__ nolotrjks, dAftpUnk_

_**Subject: **__Boys_

_Sent 10.17.2010, 07.54 PM_

Let's not argue here, though I have to agree with Eragon on your obsession of snarky men, Aksel.

I can set you up with a guy, ok? A much better guy than Vanir.

::

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks, sapphira_

_**Subject: **__re:Boys_

_Sent 10.17.2010, 07.56 PM_

there is no one else! I must have him, or no one at all!

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> WHAAAAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUCK?

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ sapphira, dAftpUnk_

_**Subject: **__re:re:Boys_

_Sent 10.17.2010, 07.59 PM_

then I vote for no one at all

* * *

><p><em>Skellig (David Almond): <em>oddly moving

* * *

><p>::<p>

Saphira was typing a reply when she felt an arm pull her back. "Glaedr."

"I want my Saphira back."

She bit back a giggle. "I was in the middle of something."

"No you weren't. Let them sulk. They're both adults. Sort of." Glaedr kissed her nape. "Come back to the couch."

Saphira sighed and gave in. "Fine. But you owe me."

"Your wish is my command."

She giggled. "Dork."

* * *

><p><strong>TBC<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>AN** Before I throw in a dozen explanation about this story, I have the pleasure to announce that this story is a) completed already and b) has as many as 18 chapters! Some as about this length, though some are shorter.

This email set up is based on what I'm used to, in case you were curious. Hopefully it isn't too hard to follow.

I was originally going to leave this up to you guys, but I think I'll post this just for the heck of it. And so that you'll all know that yes, I'm alive and kicking. I don't want to leave you all hanging for too long. So that means I have 18 chapters to upload while my creativity recovers. I can't say for sure what my updating schedule will be, as my computer is going in for a check-up very shortly, but with a completed story I can just borrow mom's comp and do the work there.

Also, I'm sorry about the upcoming info dump, but I figured it was better to overshare than undershare. Other than that, that is all for now, guys! I hope to see you guys soon with, ah, "normal SK" stories.

Penname explanations:

**Nasuada**, **Roran** and **Shruikan**'s are pretty self-explanatory. They both have a part of their first and last name in their penname. (Nasuada Black, Roran Garrowsson, Shruikan Darc).

In this universe, **Glaedr** is something like a musical genius, hence his penname with the word "maestro" in it. He's also a little bit of an Italian geek because of his musical interest.

**Arya **and **Eragon**'s pennames are both related to Lord of the Rings and can be seen as a sort of jab at the Inheritance Cycle. **Arya**'s, which is explained in a chapter, is read as "Better Than Arwen". I'm not saying that Arya is better than Arwen, but I couldn't help myself when creating her penname. It was just too perfect. **Eragon**'s is also explained later, and is read as "No Lord of the Rings Jokes". That's a play on his name, Eragon, which is very similar to Aragorn.

**Tornac**'s penname reflects back on his perverted personality. Backwards gnixes becomes sexing.

**Durza**'s is also a sort of jab at the Inheritance Cycle. His name is read as "Dark Shade". It reflects his dark personality, not to mention that his last name in my AUs is Shade. Also, I do enjoy making fun of the Inheritance Cycle.

**Saphira**'s is also pretty explanatory. It's a mix of Saphira and Sapphire.

**Thorn**'s penname gave me a chance to be more creative. The worlds "Ild Drage" in Norwegian mean "Fire Dragon" which is a perfect name for Thorn, considering his colour in the Inheritance Cycle and the fact that he's a dragon.

**Aksel**'s is a shout-out to the band 'daft punk', which has the awesome song "Around the World". It's also a sort of explanation of Aksel's character. He can be punk-ish and people would definitely call him a bit daft, though I think he's adorable.

**Vanir**'s also self-explanatory if you know the periodic table. I didn't, so I had to look it up. I was lucky enough to find two elements that fit Vanir's name. Eragon brings it up in an email, but I'll repeat it here. V23 means element 23, aka Vanadium. Th90 means element 90, aka Thorium.

**Katrina** looks at herself to be a very lucky lady, even if her chosen spouse is Roran. There is no other explanation, really. I just came up with it and thought it fit her.

**Murtagh**'s penname is linked to art. Chiaroscuro in art is characterized as a strong contrasts between light and dark, usually bold contrasts affecting a whole composition. Or so wikipedia tells me. It reflects back on Murtagh's character, a dark outer shell protecting a light fragile soul. It's also a shout-out to one of my favourite original fiction series, where one of the books is called Chiaroscuro.

Explanation for the messages under Aksel, Eragon and Tornac's emails:

**Aksel** plays a lot of video gaming, so his messages contain the video game he is currently playing and what he feels about them. Sometimes there is a link connected to certain scenes and/or walkthroughs.

**Eragon** reads a lot, and in this instance I've allowed him to share some of my torment on the course literature I've had these past two years. That means they contain the book he's currently reading and what he feels about them.

**Tornac**'s messages are self-explanatory. He decided to become a hardcore Supernatural fan, so his messages are quotes from certain episodes.


	2. Chapter Two

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Eragon or anything associated with the Inheritance Cycle.

**Claimer: **I, SussieKitten, own this plot and the story. Borrow or steal my plot, my original characters (Aksel) or story and I will report you. I also own my version of Saphira/Thorn/Shruikan/Glaedr's human appearances, as well as my characterisation of good!Durza and Tornac.

**Warnings:** Slash/Shōnen-ai – meaning mild guy x guy action. Femslash/Shōjo-ai – meaning mild girl x girl action. Het – meaning mild guy x girl action. Swearing or strong language. Mature content – references to sexual relations. Humoristic elements – beware of crack and attempt at humour. **Weird pairings – watch out for surprise crack pairings.** If any of this disturbs you, click on the "back" button. I won't tolerate any flames.

**A/N** It brings a rare smile on my face when I see how many people are actually enjoying this. It means a lot to hear that, guys. Thank you so much. I do hope you'll continue to enjoy the following sixteen chapters.

I'll throw in an email explanation in every chapter so there's no doubt as to who is who.

Eragon: _nolotrjks_. Murtagh: _chiaroscuro_. Saphira: _sapphira_. Thorn: _ild_drage_. Aksel: _dAftpUnk_. Vanir: _V23_Th90_. Arya: _btrthnarwn_. Nasuada: _nas_blk_. Roran: _r_gson_. Katrina: _LadyLuck_. Tornac: _gnixes_. Durza: _drkshde_. Shruikan: _sh_darc_. Glaedr: _iMaestro_.

Not all of these characters appear in every chapter, but there will be references or maybe even group emails sent to people. This way you can do a quick-check to see who is who and who is being let in on what gossip.

**DECEMBER 20011: PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS A REWRITTEN VERSION OF THE ORIGINAL CHAPTER. **

* * *

><p><strong>RESTRICTED ACCESS<strong>

**CHAPTER TWO**

Everyone that knew Aksel knew that he was rarely a patient man. But he thought he had been very patient when it took him five days to break down and ask Tornac about Saphira's stalker comment.

::

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__dude_

_Sent 10.18.2010, 10.01 AM_

I can't hold it in anymore! Saph mentioned you were stalkin' someone. who? I can't believe you didn't tell me, btw. us pervs have to stick together!

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> oh GOD, please don't eat me!

* * *

><p>::<p>

Aksel knew Tornac's schedule, but half an hour later it was clear that he hadn't managed to catch Tornac before class.

Sulking, he grabbed his bag and left his flat. He might as well head to class early, or he would just get sucked into his current video game and forget about class.

Not that had happened before. Of course not!

...Well, it didn't happen _often_. Ahem.

-:-

After a long day and even longer classes, Aksel was ready to fall into bed and stay there for a week. The only thing that kept him from assaulting the bed was the hope that Tornac had replied while he was gone.

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ dAftpUnk_

_**Subject: **__re:dude_

_Sent 10.18.2010, 05.27 PM_

I'm not stalking anyone.

Also, I didn't know you were playing Amnesia. You sure you have the gusts for it?

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural: <em>S1, ep. 2 Wendigo – Dean: "Bring it on, baby! I taste good."

* * *

><p>::<p>

Aksel blinked. Dude, that was so not true. Saphira was rarely wrong, especially when it came to people's feelings.

That meant that Tornac was lying to him. Frowning, he began to write out a reply.

::

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__LIES!_

_Sent 10.18.2010, 05.30 PM_

I do too have the guts to play it. I may be jumpin' at shadows...and I can't play it without all the lights on...but dude, addictive game. . I can't stop!

but come on. tell me! I know you're stalkin' someone!

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> oh GOD, please don't eat me!

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ dAftpUnk_

_**Subject: **__re:LIES!_

_Sent 10.18.2010, 05.31 PM_

Hehe. Good luck.

Though I am not stalking anyone. I swear.

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural: <em>S1, ep. 2 Wendigo – Dean: "Bring it on, baby! I taste good."

* * *

><p>::<p>

"Pffffft."

::

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__srsly_

_Sent 10.18.2010, 05.33 PM_

Saph wouldn't say that unless she had EVIDENCE, dude. she's one smart cookie.

so, if you aren't stalkin' anyone...then who do you like~?

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> oh GOD, please don't eat me!

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ dAftpUnk_

_**Subject: **__re:srsly_

_Sent 10.18.2010, 05.36 PM_

No one.

So, how is it going with that stalkee of yours?

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural: <em>S1, ep. 2 Wendigo – Dean: "Bring it on, baby! I taste good."

* * *

><p>::<p>

Tornac was seriously deflecting. Aksel knew what that meant. He was onto something!

He typed out a reply and hoped the threat worked as well on Tornac as it would have on himself.

::

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__fail_

_Sent 10.18.2010, 05.40 PM_

that applies to my stalkin' AND to your failed attempts of changin' da subject! so tell me!

if you don't, I'll tell Tag it's Era~

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> oh GOD, please don't eat me!

* * *

><p>::<p>

Aksel held his breath and waited for a reply.

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ dAftpUnk_

_**Subject: **__re:fail_

_Sent 10.18.2010, 05.41 PM_

You would never tell Murtagh that. You're scared to death of him after THE INCIDENT.

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural: <em>S1, ep. 2 Wendigo – Dean: "Bring it on, baby! I taste good."

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__re:re:fail_

_Sent 10.18.2010, 05.43 PM_

if I can brave the Wine Cellar...which I just did...and omgplzdon'tdieDaniel...then I can contact Tag. so there!

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> oh GOD, please don't eat me!

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ dAftpUnk_

_**Subject: **__Jesus. Fine_

_Sent 10.18.2010, 05.45 PM_

- but only because you pulled the Tag card. You do not play fair, my man.

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural: <em>S1, ep. 2 Wendigo – Dean: "Bring it on, baby! I taste good."

* * *

><p>::<p>

He grinned. Score!

::

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__mwhahahah_

_Sent 10.18.2010, 05.46 PM_

obviously. so tell me!

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> oh GOD, please don't eat me!

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ dAftpUnk_

_**Subject: **__Tell anyone and die_

_Sent 10.18.2010, 05.50 PM_

It IS Eragon.

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural: <em>S1, ep. 2 Wendigo – Dean: "Bring it on, baby! I taste good."

* * *

><p>::<p>

"Oh man...This is too good to be true."

::

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__your secret's safe with me_

_Sent 10.18.2010, 05.54 PM_

LOL. good luck with that, man.

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> oh GOD, please don't eat me!

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ dAftpUnk_

_**Subject: **__re:your secret's safe with me_

_Sent 10.18.2010, 05.59 PM_

...Yeah, thanks

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural: <em>S1, ep. 2 Wendigo – Dean: "Bring it on, baby! I taste good."

* * *

><p>::<p>

Aksel didn't even try to stop himself from dancing around the apartment. Oh, he couldn't wait to tell Eragon!

His laptop plinged then, letting him know he had gotten another email. He bounced over and checked it.

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ dAftpUnk_

_**Subject: **__re:re:your secret's safe with me_

_Sent 10.18.2010, 06.04 PM_

And you're not allowed to tell him, by the way. I'm invoking the bro code of silence.

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural: <em>S1, ep. 2 Wendigo – Dean: "Bring it on, baby! I taste good."

* * *

><p>::<p>

"Man!"

Tornac did _not_ play fair.

-:-

Eragon chewed on his thumbnail. Aksel had been looking at him and Saphira weird all day. He didn't know what that was all about, and he didn't really have the time to worry about it now.

The brunet knew he could just call Saphira. Hell, it was probably easier if he talked to her in person. But he really didn't want to do this in person or over the phone.

He had rewritten the email a dozen times already. 6 days later, and it still looked as pathetic as the first draft he had written up.

"Oh, fuck it."

He pressed send before he could stop himself.

::

_**From:**__ nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ sapphira_

_**Subject: **__about what you said_

_Sent 10.19.2010, 08.07 PM_

is Tornac actually stalking someone?

* * *

><p><em>The Road (Cormac McCarthy): <em>never. ever. again. fuck you, literature course

* * *

><p>::<p>

Eragon sighed. He pulled up the school's site and logged in. He was deleting random emails on his student email account when his machine thrilled suddenly.

"Jesus!" He panted and looked at his computer in shock. _What_ had made that sound?

He blinked when he saw that he had gotten an email on his personal account. Eragon shook his head and opened it to see what Saphira had answered.

::

_**From:**__ sapphira _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__re:about what you said_

_Sent 10.19.2010, 08.10 PM_

Yes. You.

::

Eragon didn't even blink as he typed out a reply.

::

_**From:**__ nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ sapphira_

_**Subject: **__re:re:about what you said_

_Sent 10.19.2010, 08.11 PM_

very funny, Saph

* * *

><p><em>The Road (Cormac McCarthy): <em>never. ever. again. fuck you, literature course

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From:**__ sapphira _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__re:re:re:about what you said_

_Sent 10.19.2010, 08.12 PM_

I'm not joking.

::

Eragon logged out of his personal email. A minute later he was booting down the laptop and moving away from his desk.

-:-

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro, V23_Th90, __ild_drage__,__r_gson, btrthnarwn, nas_blk, LadyLuck, drkshde, iMaestro, sh_darc_

_**Subject: **__Halloween_

_Sent 10.20.2010, 07.41 PM_

Party at my place at 7 pm. BYOB. Be there or be square!

::

Tornac nodded to himself. He loved Halloween. It was one big excuse to dress like a fool and drink until you passed out. What was not to love about it?

He looked over the email to make sure he had written out everything when he remembered.

"Oh, right."

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ LadyLuck_

_**Subject: **__re:Halloween_

_Sent 10.20.2010, 07.42 PM_

Do pass that along to your fiancé, who I do not have the address to.

::

"There we go."

Tornac hesitated. Something didn't feel right. He knew what, but he also knew that there was nothing he could do about it.

Besides, according to an email from his good friend, he planned to spend the evening with Eragon and Saphira watching scary movies and dying of fright.

He grinned weakly. "Lucky sod."

He minimized the window and brought up his music program. If he was going to read something before bed, he needed better background music.

Tornac was still deciding between the soundtrack of his favourite game and his favourite movie when he noticed he had gotten an email.

"Huh."

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__re:Halloween_

_Sent 10.20.2010, 07.58 PM_

I don't see Aksel on the list. Is he black listed?

::

Tornac swallowed. It never ceased to amaze him just how much he could be scared of one of his best friends. A _male_ best friend.

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject: **__re:re:Halloween_

_Sent 10.20.2010, 08.01 PM_

No, no, but you remember what happened last time I invited him and...I'd very much like it if you didn't threaten my life with a cleaver again.

...Which is why I also didn't invite Saphira or Eragon.

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural: <em>S2, ep.13 Houses of the Holy - Sam: _(looking heartbroken)_ "Wait, there's no such thing as unicorns?" Dean: _(looks concerned for a moment, then catches on)_ "Cute."

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__chiaroscuro _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__re:re:re:Halloween_

_Sent 10.20.2010, 08.02 PM_

Good man.

::

"God, if I didn't love you, you insane ass," he muttered and went back to his music.

-:-

Durza slowly scrolled through the pictures on his computer. He knew a lot of his acquaintances were still in bed with a hangover from the party. And if they weren't in bed, they wished they were.

Durza felt it was his duty to make their day a little more interesting. As one of the few people that didn't overindulge in alcohol, it was also his duty to document incidents from whenever their little group got together. It was then also his duty to share some of the pictures he had at his disposal.

Of course, it was best not to share everything right away. The Halloween pictures could wait a little longer. With the winter right around the corner, it would be fun to revisit the antics of their summer together.

Durza pulled the last picture into the new folder. He quickly opened his email and started to compose a mass email. After having sent that, he selected a few singular recipients and wrote out a few choice words for them.

He saved the email for his roommate for last. That one would be special. After all, as Tornac's friend, Durza knew just what would make his day just a little livelier. Tornac had earned it.

Ten minutes later, he declared himself done. Durza got up and stretched. Tornac probably would not have the time to check his email until later that afternoon. That gave him plenty of time to get out of their apartment and find someone to occupy himself with when Tornac finally came home.

-:-

_**From: **__drkshde _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__Memories_

_Sent 11.01.2010, 11.05 AM_

_Attachment: folder; Summer_10_pictures_

Look what I found.

::

Tornac couldn't believe what he was seeing.

Picture upon picture of their friends in the most hilarious of situations. There were a few good candid shots as well, but mostly the folder was filled with blackmail material.

And then there were the pictures of him.

"That-that-" he spluttered. No words were good enough for the evil that was Durza!

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ drkshde_

_**Subject: **__You didn't_

_Sent 11.01.2010, 01.20 PM_

Evil. That's what you are. You better not have sent a copy to Murtagh.

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural: <em>S3, ep.5 Bedside Stories - Dean: "Dude! Could you be more gay? _(pause)_ Don't answer that."

* * *

><p>::<p>

Tornac bit his nail. A part of him hoped that Durza hadn't sent a copy to Murtagh. Another part of him hoped he hadn't wound up giving Durza any twisted ideas.

::

_**From: **__drkshde _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__I did_

_Sent 11.01.2010, 01.30 PM_

_**From: **__drkshde_

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject:**__ This summer_

_Sent 11.01.2010, 10.59 PM_

_Attachment: folder; Summer_10_pictures_

Look what I found. Personally, I think that picture P9027453 is rather amusing.

::

Tornac couldn't breathe. Dead, he was dead. Murtagh was going to kill him!

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ drkshde_

_**Subject: **__re:I did_

_Sent 11.01.2010, 01.32 PM_

He has only just started to forgive me!

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural: <em>S3, ep.5 Bedside Stories - Dean: "Dude! Could you be more gay? _(pause)_ Don't answer that."

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__drkshde _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__woops_

_Sent 11.01.2010, 01.36 PM_

My bad.

::

Durza was dead. Tornac was going to find his weakness, exploit it and then murder the sod!

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ drkshde_

_**Subject: **__DEAD_

_Sent 11.01.2010, 01.37 PM_

You hear me? You are dead!

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural: <em>S3, ep.5 Bedside Stories - Dean: "Dude! Could you be more gay? _(pause)_ Don't answer that."

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__drkshde _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__re:DEAD_

_Sent 11.01.2010, 01.45 PM_

I wasn't the one that molested Murtagh's little brother. We'll see which one of us dies first.

::

Tornac forced himself not to hyperventilate.

"Revenge, Durza. I shall have my revenge," he vowed.

Of course, he would have to stay alive for that to even be an issue. And to stay alive he needed to come up with a plan. Pronto.

-:-

"Have you seen Tornac?"

"Mother of -!" Thorn jumped and turned around. It wasn't often that people managed to sneak up to him, but Murtagh seemed to be that one exception.

Murtagh looked strangely calm. Thorn was instantly on the alert. If Murtagh looked calm, then someone was in for a world of pain.

"No, sorry."

Murtagh hummed. "Well, if you see him, let him know I'm looking for him."

Before Thorn could reply, Murtagh had wandered off.

Thorn blinked. What on earth could Tornac have done to pissed Murtagh off this time?

He pulled out his phone and texted Tornac for answers.

::

_**From: **__Thorn Marron _

_**To:**__ Tornac Holme_

_Sent 11.02.2010, 04.13 PM_

Murtagh is looking for you. What did you do now?

::

_**From: **__Tornac Holme_

_**To:**__ Thorn Marron_

_Sent 11.02.2010, 04.15 PM_

Tell him I moved to Bermuda!

::

Thorn's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Bermuda?" What could Tornac have done that would make him want to flee the country?

It slowly dawned on him.

::

_**From: **__Thorn Marron _

_**To:**__ Tornac Holme_

_Sent 11.02.2010, 04.19 PM_

...You didn't accidentally let it slip that you fancy Eragon, did you?

::

_**From: **__Tornac Holme_

_**To:**__ Thorn Marron_

_Sent 11.02.2010, 04.25 PM_

There is a reason I'm not supposed to be near alcohol and Eragon at the same time! And you were supposed to remind me!

::

Thorn cleared his throat. Yes, there was that, but unfortunately he was usually a little occupied whenever their gang got together.

::

_**From: **__Thorn Marron _

_**To:**__ Tornac Holme_

_Sent 11.02.2010, 04.27 PM_

Shit, I'm so sorry. I completely forgot. ...So, the answer is moving to Bermuda?

::

_**From: **__Tornac Holme_

_**To:**__ Thorn Marron_

_Sent 11.02.2010, 04.31 PM_

It's cool, man. I guess we're square after...yeah. And I'm not actually moving there. Just tell Murtagh that I am. If you want to reach me, I've moved to Australia.

::

Thorn could only hope Australia was far enough for Tornac to escape Murtagh's wrath. If not, then Tornac was in big trouble. BIG.

-:-

_**From: **__chiaroscuro _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__Where are your balls?_

_Sent 11.03.2010, 09.18 AM_

Come out and face me like a man, you coward!

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject: **__In hiding_

_Sent 11.03.2010, 09.22 AM_

I'd rather live, thank you very much.

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural: <em>S4, ep.18 Monsters at the End of this Book - Dean: "I'm sitting in a Laundromat reading about myself sitting in a Laundromat reading about myself. My head hurts."

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__chiaroscuro _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__Come now_

_Sent 11.03.2010, 09.25 AM_

I won't kill you. Just ask Aksel. He walked away perfectly fine.

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject: **__No_

_Sent 11.03.2010, 09.28 AM_

You mentally scarred him for life! I do not qualify that as FINE.

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural: <em>S4, ep.18 Monsters at the End of this Book: Dean: "I'm sitting in a Laundromat reading about myself sitting in a Laundromat reading about myself. My head hurts."

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__chiaroscuro _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__Here kitty, kitty_

_Sent 11.03.2010, 09.31 AM_

He was a pussy. Are you a pussy, Tornac?

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject: **__AWOL_

_Sent 11.03.2010, 09.35 AM_

If those are my two choices – dead or pussy – then yes, I am a pussy. See you in five years.

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural: <em>S4, ep.18 Monsters at the End of this Book: Dean: "I'm sitting in a Laundromat reading about myself sitting in a Laundromat reading about myself. My head hurts."

::

* * *

><p><em><strong>From: <strong>__chiaroscuro _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__Your ass is mine_

_Sent 11.03.2010, 09.40 AM_

Five years isn't nearly enough for me to calm down, Tornac. Also, I know where you're going to be in ten minutes. I hope you have a first-aid kit.

-:-

Eragon couldn't believe Murtagh. Well, he _could_ and that was why he was so shocked. And angry.

Tornac wasn't just some random guy Murtagh thought fancied Eragon. Tornac was Murtagh's best friend. There was no excuse for Murtagh's behaviour!

And, as such, it was up to Murtagh to explain himself.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks_

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro _

_**Subject: **__MURTAGH!_

_Sent 11.05.2010, 07.54 PM_

what did you do to Tornac?

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__Hello_

_Sent 11.05.2010, 07.59 PM_

How are you, baby brother?

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks_

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro _

_**Subject: **__hello, my ass_

_Sent 11.05.2010, 08.01 PM_

answer me, Murtagh! What the fuck did you do?

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__Oh really?_

_Sent 11.05.2010, 08.07 PM_

Nothing much, baby brother.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks_

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro _

_**Subject: **__..._

_Sent 11.05.2010, 08.10 PM_

this is about those pictures from this summer, isn't it? because I swear, if it is, I will tell DAD on you

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__Eragon_

_Sent 11.05.2010, 08.19 PM_

- mind your own business. The deal between Tornac and me is just that – between him and me.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks_

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro _

_**Subject: **__bullshit_

_Sent 11.05.2010, 08.23 PM_

it IS about those pictures. for fucks sake, Tag! we were ALL drunk! if you're going to punish him, then you should punish me too

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__Such naughty language_

_Sent 11.05.2010, 08.31 PM_

He is four years older than you. He should have known better.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks_

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro _

_**Subject: **__fuck you_

_Sent 11.05.2010, 08.33 PM_

excuses. you better make up with him, or I will let Aksel take me to a strip club

don't think I won't do it. I'm a sexually frustrated 20 year old gay male

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__Do it and I will kill Aksel_

_Sent 11.05.2010, 08.34 PM_

See above.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks_

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro _

_**Subject: **__THEN APOLOGISE!_

_Sent 11.05.2010, 08.36 PM_

see above

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__Deja vu_

_Sent 11.05.2010, 08.37 PM_

You sounded disturbingly like Vanir.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks_

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro _

_**Subject: **__re:Deja vu_

_Sent 11.05.2010, 08.42 PM_

so does he mimics you? then it's a wonder he doesn't sound smarter

also, do not mention his name in my presence again! eww!

if you want to kick someone's ass, then kick his! I tore him a new one and he had the nerve to ask me out! creep

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__Thank you_

_Sent 11.05.2010, 08.44 PM_

He did? Thank you for that tip. I will be sure to let him know no one hits on my little brother without my permission.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks_

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro _

_**Subject: **__Jesus_

_Sent 11.05.2010, 08.50 PM_

asshole. I'm never going to get laid. not that I want to have sex with Vanir! ewww! Now I feel like puking

but good. and after you've done that, you can apologise to Tornac

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__re:Jesus_

_Sent 11.05.2010, 08.51 PM_

No bloody likely.

::

Eragon pursed his lips. "We'll see, brother. We'll see."

-:-

_**From: **__nolotrjks_

_**To:**__ gnixes _

_**Subject: **__hey_

_Sent 11.05.2010, 10.03 PM_

I want to apologise on Murtagh's behalf, since he's, you know, never going to

* * *

><p><em>The Dark Half (Stephen King):<em> amazing. note to self; find the film version. should be interesting

* * *

><p>::<p>

If his ribs hadn't been hurting as much as they did right then, Tornac would have laughed.

"Oh, Eragon."

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__re:hey_

_Sent 11.06.2010, 11.09 AM_

You don't have to apologise, kid. I know how Tag is.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks_

_**To:**__ gnixes _

_**Subject: **__re:re:hey_

_Sent 11.06.2010, 11.37 AM_

still! you're one of his best friends, and he still kicked your ass

* * *

><p><em>The Dark Half (Stephen King):<em> amazing. note to self; find the film version. should be interesting

* * *

><p>::<p>

Tornac winced. 'Kicked his ass' was indeed a very appropriate description.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks_

_**To:**__ gnixes _

_**Subject: **__The reason why_

_Sent 11.06.2010, 11.40 AM_

- is because I am one of his best friends. He trusts us to know what we can and can't do around you, and I clearly failed.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks_

_**To:**__ gnixes _

_**Subject: **__..._

_Sent 11.06.2010, 11.45 AM_

you're joking

* * *

><p><em>The Dark Half (Stephen King):<em> amazing. note to self; find the film version. should be interesting

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__re:..._

_Sent 11.06.2010, 11.46 AM_

I wish I was, kiddo.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks_

_**To:**__ gnixes _

_**Subject: **__re:re:..._

_Sent 11.06.2010, 11.50 AM_

I hate him. I seriously hate him

feel like taking my virginity just to spite him?

* * *

><p><em>The Dark Half (Stephen King):<em> amazing. note to self; find the film version. should be interesting

* * *

><p>::<p>

Tornac had to blink twice, check to see that he was reading the right email, then pause to take it all in.

Then he carefully wrote out a reply.

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks_

_**Subject: **__You don't mean that_

_Sent 11.06.2010, 12.00 PM_

Save it for someone who you really want to give it to – and for a reason that's better than just getting back at your brother.

And you know you don't really hate him.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks_

_**To:**__ gnixes _

_**Subject: **__sometimes I wish I did_

_Sent 11.06.2010, 12.03 PM_

see above

* * *

><p><em>The Dark Half (Stephen King):<em> amazing. note to self; find the film version. should be interesting

* * *

><p>::<p>

"I know how you feel, kiddo," Tornac sighed.

Sometimes he wished he could hate certain people too.

* * *

><p><strong>TBC<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>AN** Some pairings might be coming through now, though not all of them. Each couple has several chapters, though I've refused to name them after the couple in question. One; I actually couldn't come up with any good titles for the couples in question and two; naming them simply "Vanir/Aksel" for instance would be...eh. You get what I mean.

So far I haven't heard that any of you are having any problems with the format. Good. It warms my heart. You've no idea how much FFnet butchered the version I wrote when I uploaded it. It's a murder to translate "what used to be" into this. *sigh* But I'm doing it for you guys as well as for myself. Reading through this, I realised just how much I needed a cracky humour piece to work with.

As I said last time, my comp has gone for a quick check-up. I have no idea when it'll return. It could be anywhere from a week to a month. I do hope it won't be a month. I have classes in 2 weeks! Bloody evil college. But thankfully I can work on my mom's home comp.

I will take the time between now and when I get my comp back to post this story. Some chapters are shorter than others, so whenever I post a short chapter I'll try to get out another one later that same week to make up for it. Though, more than that and I'd be SPOILING you guys way too much! Dear oh dear.

I do have some other things written, but I'm going to wait a bit with it. I need to read through it and work with the stories from there. And, to do that, I like to keep the chapters to myself for a little while. But I do hope to have new and familiar things out before September.

That is all for now, though. Do ask if there's anything you're curious about. I should be able to get back to you within a week, at least. Until next time.


	3. Chapter Three

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Eragon or anything associated with the Inheritance Cycle.

**Claimer:** I, SussieKitten, own this plot and the story. Borrow or steal my plot, my original characters (Aksel) or story and I will report you. I also own my version of Saphira/Thorn/Shruikan/Glaedr's human appearances, as well as my characterisation of good!Durza and Tornac.

**Warnings:** Slash/Shōnen-ai – meaning mild guy x guy action. Femslash/Shōjo-ai – meaning mild girl x girl action. Het – meaning mild guy x girl action. Swearing or strong language. Mature content – references to sexual relations. Humoristic elements – beware of crack and attempt at humour. **Weird pairings – watch out for surprise crack pairings.** If any of this disturbs you, click on the "back" button. I won't tolerate any flames.

**A/N** A huge thanks to all my readers and reviewers. It means a lot that you're reading this cracky little piece. It means even more that you let me know you're enjoying it.

A few more pairings start to make sense in this chapter. Well, they are put to paper. Whether or not they actually _make sense_ is something else all together.

I'll throw in an email explanation in every chapter so there's no doubt as to who is who.

Eragon: _nolotrjks_. Murtagh: _chiaroscuro_. Saphira: _sapphira_. Thorn: _ild_drage_. Aksel: _dAftpUnk_. Vanir: _V23_Th90_. Arya: _btrthnarwn_. Nasuada: _nas_blk_. Roran: _r_gson_. Katrina: _LadyLuck_. Tornac: _gnixes_. Durza: _drkshde_. Shruikan: _sh_darc_. Glaedr: _iMaestro_.

Not all of these characters appear in every chapter, but there will be references or maybe even group emails sent to people. This way you can do a quick-check to see who is who and who is being let in on what gossip.

**DECEMBER 20011: PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS A REWRITTEN VERSION OF THE ORIGINAL CHAPTER. **

* * *

><p><strong>RESTRICTED ACCESS<strong>

**CHAPTER THREE**

_**From: **__drkshde _

_**To:**__ gnixes, chiaroscuro, __ild_drage, __sh_darc, iMaestro, V23_Th90, btrthnarwn, nas_blk, nolotrjks, __sapphira, dAftpUnk__, r_gson, LadyLuck_

_**Subject: **__Halloween photos_

_Sent 11.08.2010, 11.05 AM_

_Attachment: folder; Halloween_10_pictures_

Yours truly,

Durza Shade

::

Tornac often had to remind himself that Durza wasn't out to get him. Whenever Durza had blackmail, he shared it. He was just evil enough that he hoarded all the evidence he could and then _shared it with__** everyone**_, just to see what kind of reactions he could get out of people.

But it didn't change the fact that Tornac felt a little targeted. He saw the other poor people that were clearly targeted too, but it didn't help the fact that he was always targeted at events like this. Durza was just waiting for that one picture of him and Eragon that would be the reason Murtagh finally killed him.

And, as amusing and interesting as the pictures of Shruikan and Thorn were, he had to reprimand his roommate. It was his duty.

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ drkshde_

_**Subject: **__re:Halloween photos_

_Sent 11.08.2010, 08.26 PM_

Bad Durza! I told you no cameras were allowed!

::

_**From: **__drkshde _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__re:re:Halloween photos_

_Sent 11.08.2010, 08.30 PM_

You did? I must have forgotten.

::

Tornac snorted. He always told Durza to leave his camera at home. Then again, the bastard had a camera on his phone, so what good did it really do?

Nothing, obviously.

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ drkshde_

_**Subject: **__re:re:re:Halloween photos_

_Sent 11.08.2010, 08.33 PM_

Just you wait, Durza. I'll get back at you for this.

::

_**From: **__drkshde _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__re:re:re:re:Halloween photos_

_Sent 11.08.2010, 08.45 PM_

Give it your best shot.

-:-

_**From: **__chiaroscuro_

_**To:**__ild_drage_

_**Subject: **__What's this?_

_Sent 11.11.2010, 12.03 PM_

_Attachment: p072534, p072535, p072536_

I do believe that is you making out with Shruikan. And I do believe I wasn't informed of this.

::

Thorn had never been very good at checking his email. He tried to do it once a week, but usually he met up with his friends quite regularly, so he never saw the point in doing it more often.

It was pure happenstance that he checked his email the same day as Murtagh had sent him one.

That in and of itself was a rarity. He and Murtagh shared an apartment. If they needed to tell each other anything, they could just yell across the room at each other. At least, that was what Murtagh sometimes did. Thorn preferred notes or even actually talking to someone face to face.

But this time, apparently simple conversation wasn't enough. Then again, Murtagh had probably gathered this was a sensitive subject and had fled the apartment in hopes of escaping bodily harm.

Crafty sod.

::

_**From: **__ild_drage_

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject: **__re:What's this?_

_Sent 11.11.2010, 04.31 PM_

I have no recollection of this ever happening

::

Thorn swallowed around the lie. Of course he remembered. He always remembered. Even alcohol wasn't enough to make him forget.

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro_

_**To:**__ild_drage_

_**Subject: **__re:re:What's this?_

_Sent 11.11.2010, 04.53 PM_

Bullshit. You only try to sound smart when you're lying.

What happened? Was he lousy in bed?

::

_**From: **__ild_drage_

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject: **__Fuck you!_

_Sent 11.11.2010, 04.55 PM _

None of your fucking business

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro_

_**To:**__ild_drage_

_**Subject: **__I'd say fuck you, but I do believe Shruikan is taking care of that_

_Sent 11.11.2010, 05.00 PM_

And that's a yes.

::

_**From: **__ild_drage_

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject: **__No_

_Sent 11.11.2010, 05.01 PM_

We didn't have sex

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro_

_**To:**__ild_drage_

_**Subject: **__No?_

_Sent 11.11.2010, 05.04 PM_

Then what happened?

::

_**From: **__ild_drage_

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject: **__Nothing_

_Sent 11.11.2010, 05.11 PM_

We kissed. That's it

::

Thorn then shut off his computer and left the apartment.

-:-

Murtagh was quite capable of being patient and planning ahead. That was how he had gotten rid of most of Eragon's suitors, after all.

He had never quite imagined he would need to use those skills to approach Shruikan, of all people. But thanks to Shruikan's "delicate" (read: antisocial) sensibilities, Murtagh knew a forward approach was the only one that would yield an actual response.

That was why he was in the library, carefully loading the images he needed to make Shruikan see he was actually serious this time around, and sending off a carefully worded email.

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro_

_**To:**__ sh_darc_

_**Subject: **__Explain away this_

_Sent 11.11.2010, 06.17 PM_

_Attachment: p072534, p072535, p072536_

I have included some photographic evidence in case you try to deny what happened, even though I know you hate lying.

So, perhaps you would be interested in telling me just what happened?

::

Murtagh didn't expect Shruikan to answer mere minutes later. After the earlier failure at getting Thorn to actually talk about his feelings, Murtagh had been prepared to read for another hour or so before heading back to the apartment.

But apparently Shruikan was actually capable of answering a question.

::

_**From: **__sh_darc _

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject: **__re:Explain away this_

_Sent 11.11.2010, 06.29 PM_

You are worse than a woman.

-Shruikan Darc.

::

Then again, maybe not.

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro_

_**To:**__ sh_darc_

_**Subject: **__re:re:Explain away this_

_Sent 11.11.2010, 06.34 PM_

Blame Durza if you must. He was the one that sent me these.

Now if you could explain just why your tongue is down Thorn's throat?

::

_**From: **__sh_darc _

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject: **__No_

_Sent 11.11.2010, 06.39 PM_

And the only reason he sent you those is because he wants to fuck you.

-Shruikan Darc.

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro_

_**To:**__ sh_darc_

_**Subject: **__re:No_

_Sent 11.11.2010, 06.42 PM_

Someone's cranky. And we both know he doesn't want to fuck me.

::

_**From: **__sh_darc _

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject: **__That's right_

_Sent 11.11.2010, 06.46 PM_

You're the one that wants to fuck HIM. Tough luck.

-Shruikan Darc.

::

Murtagh was going to pretend that Shruikan's lashing out was because he was sexually frustrated because of a certain redhead.

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro_

_**To:**__ sh_darc_

_**Subject: **__Cranky_

_Sent 11.11.2010, 06.49 PM_

Very cranky.

You should tell Thorn you like him.

::

_**From: **__sh_darc _

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject: **__No_

_Sent 11.11.2010, 06.51 PM_

I don't like him.

-Shruikan Darc.

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro_

_**To:**__ sh_darc_

_**Subject: **__Oh?_

_Sent 11.11.2010, 06.55 PM_

Fine. Two can play this game. You LOVE him.

::

_**From: **__sh_darc _

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject: **__Fine_

_Sent 11.11.2010, 07.01 PM_

I will not answer that.

Share any of your suspicions with Thorn and I will share mine with Durza.

-Shruikan Darc.

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro_

_**To:**__ sh_darc_

_**Subject: **__re:Fine_

_Sent Sent 11.11.2010, 07.07 PM_

Such a moody bitch when you're not getting any.

Fine.

For now.

::

Murtagh logged out of his email account. Apparently he hadn't planned enough.

Well, that was easily fixed.

-:-

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ ild_drage_

_**Subject: **__woot!_

_Sent 11.11.2010, 10.28 AM_

_Attachment: p072536_

you go, man! that is my personal favourite.

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> [link] best vid EVAH!

* * *

><p>-:-<p>

_**From: **__sapphira _

_**To:**__ ild_drage_

_**Subject: **__Hey_

_Sent 11.12.2010, 01.52 PM_

Don't listen to the others, alright? If you want to talk, I'm here.

::

_**From: **__ild_drage_

_**To:**__ sapphira_

_**Subject: **__re:Hey_

_Sent 11.12.2010, 02.34 PM_

Thanks, Saph

-:-

_**From: **__iMaestro_

_**To:**__ sh_darc_

_**Subject: **__Stop it_

_Sent 11.12.2010, 05.36 PM_

Your avoidance of Thorn is getting simply ridiculous, to say it in a way that you might understand. So stop it. You can't avoid him forever.

::

_**From: **__sh_darc _

_**To:**__ iMaestro_

_**Subject: **__re:Stop it_

_Sent 11.12.2010, 05.51 PM_

I can try.

-Shruikan Darc.

-:-

Shruikan would have avoided his emails religiously if he didn't have the nonsense app Glaedr had insisted he'd get. As it were, his phone thrilled every time he got an email. These days, he seemed to be getting a lot of those.

And, if he didn't check his email regularly, then he got even more of them. Some days he wondered if it was too late to change his friends and get new ones.

::

_**From: **__gnixes_

_**To:**__ sh_darc_

_**Subject: **__Invitation_

_Sent 11.13.2010, 12.30 AM_

You are hereby invited to join Intoxicated Molesters' Anonymous. The meetings will be held in an undisclosed location which will be mailed to your address later with the time of the first meeting.

::

_**From: **__sh_darc _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__re:Invitation_

_Sent 11.13.2010, 02.06 PM_

Who told you?

-Shruikan Darc.

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ sh_darc_

_**Subject: **__re:re:Invitation_

_Sent 11.13.2010, 02.11 PM_

Everyone got the pictures from Durza. So if you want to be technical about it – he did.

::

_**From: **__sh_darc _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__re:re:re:Invitation_

_Sent 11.13.2010, 02.15 PM_

Thank you.

-Shruikan Darc.

::

Shruikan made a mental note to have a little chat with Shade the first chance he got. He rarely opened the emails Shade sent, simply because he knew they usually contained things he did not want or need to know about the people he associated with.

It was ridiculous, really, what the man did just to catch a certain someone's attention.

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ sh_darc_

_**Subject: **__re:re:re:re:Invitation_

_Sent 11.13.2010, 02.17 PM_

Don't hurt him, alright? You know he was just being...Durza.

::

_**From: **__sh_darc _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__re:re:re:re:re:Invitation_

_Sent 11.13.2010, 02.21 PM_

I don't plan to hurt him.

Much.

-Shruikan Darc.

::

No, Shruikan had something special planned for Durza Shade.

The man wasn't nearly as subtle as he thought he was.

-:-

_**From: **__V23_Th90 _

_**To:**__ sh_darc_

_**Subject:**__Pictures_

_Sent 11.14.2010, 06.09 PM_

I finally went through these infamous pictures that seem to be on everyone's lips these days.

I approve in your choice of mate.

-Vanir T.

673-24-901

::

Vanir took a calculated risk as he sent the mail Shruikan. While he wouldn't call Shruikan a loose cannon, he had seen Shruikan at the gym. He knew quite well what Shruikan was capable of.

To put it simply; he was glad he wasn't Durza Shade.

::

_**From: **__sh_darc _

_**To:**__ V23_Th90_

_**Subject: **__re:Pictures_

_Sent 11.14.2010, 06.23 PM_

If I wanted your opinion, I'd ask for it.

-Shruikan Darc.

::

Vanir acknowledged that he wasn't very good with people unless he made their acquaintance first. He had known Shruikan for a few years now. The man was an open book.

::

_**From: **__V23_Th90 _

_**To:**__ sh_darc_

_**Subject: **__re:re:Pictures_

_Sent 11.14.2010, 06.27 PM_

Did something happen?

-Vanir T.

673-24-901

::

_**From: **__sh_darc _

_**To:**__ V23_Th90_

_**Subject: **__re:re:re:Pictures_

_Sent 11.14.2010, 06.32 PM_

Why Vanir, it almost sounds like you care.

-Shruikan Darc.

::

_**From: **__V23_Th90 _

_**To:**__ sh_darc_

_**Subject: **__Hn_

_Sent 11.14.2010, 06.41 PM_

I'll take it that this is what happened:

*You kissed because your intoxicated minds found it to be a good idea

*One of you either passed out or vomited shortly afterwards

*The next morning was followed by insecurity and avoiding of the other part because nothing conclusive was said before the night

*And you are now too full of self-doubt to go and ask him if he would like to go out with you sometime

-Vanir T.

673-24-901

::

_**From: **__sh_darc _

_**To:**__ V23_Th90_

_**Subject: **__re:Hn_

_Sent 11.14.2010, 06.44 PM_

Pot calling the kettle black.

-Shruikan Darc.

::

_**From: **__V23_Th90 _

_**To:**__ sh_darc_

_**Subject: **__re:re:Hn_

_Sent 11.14.2010, 06.46 PM_

Excuse me?

-Vanir T.

673-24-901

::

_**From: **__sh_darc _

_**To:**__ V23_Th90_

_**Subject: **__re:re:re:Hn_

_Sent 11.14.2010, 06.49 PM_

We both know the only reason you bashed that kid so hard was because you didn't find him nearly as annoying and unattractive as you claimed.

-Shruikan Darc.

::

He was quite frankly become very tired of those remarks. What was done was done. He had a perfectly good memory. He remembered quite well what had been said.

::

_**From: **__V23_Th90 _

_**To:**__ sh_darc_

_**Subject: **__re:re:re:re:Hn_

_Sent 11.14.2010, 06.51 PM_

Has everyone heard about that?

-Vanir T.

673-24-901

::

_**From: **__sh_darc _

_**To:**__ V23_Th90_

_**Subject: **__re:re:re:re:re:Hn_

_Sent 11.14.2010, 06.56 PM_

Yes.

-Shruikan Darc.

::

_**From: **__V23_Th90 _

_**To:**__ sh_darc_

_**Subject: **__Troublesome_

_Sent 11.14.2010, 06.58 PM_

-Vanir T.

673-24-901

::

_**From: **__sh_darc _

_**To:**__ V23_Th90_

_**Subject: **__re:Troublesome_

_Sent 11.14.2010, 07.01 PM_

You have no one to blame but yourself.

-Shruikan Darc.

-:-

_**From: **__iMaestro _

_**To:**__ ild_drage_

_**Subject: **__We should talk_

_Sent 11.16.2010, 01.36 PM_

I know you probably don't want to see me, but we really should talk. About Shruikan.

::

_**From: **__ild_drage _

_**To:**__ iMaestro_

_**Subject: **__re:We should talk_

_Sent 11.16.2010, 01.58 PM_

When and where?

::

_**From: **__iMaestro _

_**To:**__ ild_drage_

_**Subject: **__re:re:We should talk_

_Sent 11.16.2010, 02.05 PM_

Outside the library, tomorrow, 6 pm.

-:-

Glaedr looked at Thorn closely. Aesthetically, he could see what pulled Shruikan towards Thorn. There was a certain male beauty about him; nothing like Murtagh's obvious good looks, but Thorn was handsome.

Of course, Shruikan had always been rather picky. A pretty boy had never been able to win him over. But someone like Thorn, who also had brains and personality? No wonder Shruikan was head over heels. Even Glaedr, who was comfortably straight, could see that.

"Have you tried to contact him?"

Thorn stared down into his cup. Glaedr wondered if he found any answers down there. It certainly looked like Thorn was trying to find them.

"I'll take that as a no."

Thorn looked up. The last few weeks had been hard on him. Glaedr did not like the shadows under Thorn's eyes.

"Every time I see him, he runs in the other direction," Thorn said gruffly. "Please explain to me how I'm supposed to be able to hold a conversation with someone like that."

Glaedr sighed. After he fixed this mess, Shruikan owed him. Big time.

And so he began to explain the complexity, as well as the stupidity, that made up the ever elusive Shruikan Darc.

-:-

_**From: **__ild_drage_

_**To:**__ sh_darc_

_**Subject:**_

_Sent 11.17.2010, 10.21 PM_

We should talk

-:-

Thorn loved his friends. No, really, he did. But sometimes they meddled a little too much. And Murtagh, he was a master at meddling.

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro_

_**To:**__ild_drage_

_**Subject:**__I know what you did yesterday_

_Sent 11.18.2010, 05.17 PM_

Cheating on Shruikan with Glaedr, are we?

::

Thorn had better things to do right now than to answer Murtagh's enquiries. He had a paper due in a week that he still needed to flesh out properly. With everything that was going on, he avoided the library like the plague.

_He_ frequented there in November and December to study for exams with Vanir. The last thing Thorn wanted right now was to see Shruikan running away from him again.

::

_**From: **__ild_drage_

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject:**__Lame_

_Sent 11.18.2010, 05.31 PM_

No. He wanted to talk, I agreed

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro_

_**To:**__ild_drage_

_**Subject:**__Good_

_Sent 11.18.2010, 05.38 PM_

It was about time you got out and dared to go onto Shruikan's territory.

::

Foolish as it was, Thorn had hoped that answering Murtagh would have been enough. But no. Now Murtagh was digging deeper.

::

_**From: **__ild_drage_

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject:**__Good?_

_Sent 11.18.2010, 05.42 PM_

He's the one that crosses the street whenever he sees me coming. Give me a break

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro_

_**To:**__ild_drage_

_**Subject:**__Yes, good_

_Sent 11.18.2010, 05.46 PM_

So, what did Glaedr have to say about his best friend's behaviour?

::

He tried not to remember the conversation. If he thought hard enough, he could pretend they hadn't talked at all. He and Glaedr had just met up for a cup of coffee at the coffee bar next to the library.

No, in fact, it hadn't been that bar at all. It had been across campus, nowhere near Shruikan's territory.

And they most certainly hadn't seen Shruikan and Vanir exiting the library while they had been sitting there, because the library wasn't even remotely close by.

Thorn rubbed a hand over his eyes. Who was he kidding?

::

_**From: **__ild_drage_

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject:**__Asshole_

_Sent 11.18.2010, 05.48 PM_

That Shruikan is socially awkward and that I shouldn't take offense

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro_

_**To:**__ild_drage_

_**Subject:**__Dick. Oh look, we match. What fun_

_Sent 11.18.2010, 05.52 PM_

So basically you learned nothing new? I don't believe you for one second.

::

_**From: **__ild_drage_

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject:**__You disgust me_

_Sent 11.18.2010, 05.55 PM_

That is your prerogative

::

_**From: **__chiaroscuro_

_**To:**__ild_drage_

_**Subject:**__We both like men, Thorn. No need to be a prude_

_Sent 11.18.2010, 06.02 PM_

Damn straight it is.

::

_**From: **__ild_drage_

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject:**__Oh, fuck off_

_Sent 11.18.2010, 06.07 PM_

See above.

::

Thorn logged off and shut off his internet connection. He turned off his phone for good measure.

Maybe he could finally concentrate now.

-:-

_**From: **__iMaestro_

_**To:**__ild_drage_

_**Subject:**__What we talked about_

_Sent 11.25.2010, 03.04 PM_

Have you tried to contact him yet?

::

_**From: **__ild_drage_

_**To:**__ iMaestro_

_**Subject:**__re:What we talked about_

_Sent 11.25.2010, 03.11 PM_

Yes

_**From: **__ild_drage_

_**To:**__ sh_darc_

_**Subject:**_

_Sent 11.17.2010, 10.21 AM_

We should talk

::

_**From: **__iMaestro_

_**To:**__ild_drage_

_**Subject:**__re:re:What we talked about_

_Sent 11.25.2010, 03.14 PM_

I see. You probably shouldn't have said "we should talk".

::

_**From: **__ild_drage_

_**To:**__ iMaestro_

_**Subject:**__re:re:re:What we talked about_

_Sent 11.25.2010, 03.20 PM_

It cannot sound like I want to break up with him when there's nothing to break up in the first place

::

_**From: **__iMaestro_

_**To:**__ild_drage_

_**Subject:**__re:re:re:re:What we talked about_

_Sent 11.25.2010, 03.22 PM_

Shruikan's mind is a strange place. You know artists. Just give him some time.

::

_**From: **__ild_drage_

_**To:**__ iMaestro_

_**Subject:**__Time?_

_Sent 11.25.2010, 03.31 PM_

It's been a week! He's not going to check back with me

::

_**From: **__iMaestro_

_**To:**__ild_drage_

_**Subject:**__Right_

_Sent11.25.2010, 03.34 PM_

Do you want me to talk to him for you?

::

_**From: **__ild_drage_

_**To:**__ iMaestro_

_**Subject:**__re:Right_

_Sent 11.25.2010, 03.37 PM_

No. If he doesn't want to talk, then fine. We won't

::

_**From: **__iMaestro_

_**To:**__ild_drage_

_**Subject:**__Fine?_

_Sent 11.25.2010, 03.41 PM_

Ever again?

::

_**From: **__ild_drage_

_**To:**__ iMaestro_

_**Subject:**__re:Fine?_

_Sent 11.25.2010, 03.43 PM_

Ever again

::

Glaedr stared at the screen. He had hoped that his chat with Thorn the week before had made Thorn understand where Shruikan came from.

Shruikan was a complex man. Foster home after foster home had hardened him into the shell everyone now knew and loved. Life had made him believe that nothing good ever lasted. Glaedr had spent several years trying to get through Shruikan's thick skull. But nothing had worked.

Then Thorn came into their lives. Glaedr had watched the slow spark between them until it had boiled over. And now it seemed like Shruikan was doing what he did best; running.

Well, no more.

"If you don't locate your balls soon, you're losing him, you ass," he muttered to himself as he wrote a quick email and sent it.

::

_**From: **__iMaestro_

_**To:**__ sh_darc_

_**Subject:**__You idiot!_

_Sent 11.25.2010, 04.19 PM_

Get a move on! Now! Or you'll never get together with Thorn.

I swear to God, if you do not locate that miniscule spine of yours and do it, I will actually help Thorn find someone else.

::

The threat was hollow, but hopefully it would work. Now he only had to sit back and wait.

-:-

_**From: **__chiaroscuro_

_**To:**__ild_drage_

_**Subject: **__Congratulations!_

_Sent 11.28.2010, 07.39 PM_

But next time you want to have a sex marathon with your boyfriend, please do it at his place. Shruikan has his own flat, remember? No poor roommate to traumatize.

Also, you two owe me for the condoms you "borrowed".

* * *

><p><strong>TBC<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>AN** Alright, who didn't see that one coming? Show of hands.

If you read _Love Songs (They Kill Me)_, then maybe you saw some of those pairings coming. Maybe. Lol.

School is on again as of tomorrow, since I live in this glorious country that believes in a 2 months long summer and school starting in August. Ah, balls. But I will try to get out at least one chapter a week. I have this strange urge to share this piece with you guys much faster than I already am. Strange.

The next chapter is short, so I'll try to have the one after it out in the same week. Because I love you guys that much.

But that is all for later! For now, I'm off to see if I can answer some more things. Until next time, guys.


	4. Interlude I

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Eragon or anything associated with the Inheritance Cycle.

**Claimer:** I, SussieKitten, own this plot and the story. Borrow or steal my plot, my original characters (Aksel) or story and I will report you. I also own my version of Saphira/Thorn/Shruikan/Glaedr's human appearances, as well as my characterisation of good!Durza and Tornac.

**Warnings:** Slash/Shōnen-ai – meaning mild guy x guy action. Femslash/Shōjo-ai – meaning mild girl x girl action. Het – meaning mild guy x girl action. Swearing or strong language. Mature content – references to sexual relations. Humoristic elements – beware of crack and attempt at humour. **Weird pairings – watch out for surprise crack pairings.** If any of this disturbs you, click on the "back" button. I won't tolerate any flames.

**A/N** A huge thanks to all my readers and reviewers. It means a lot that you're reading this cracky little piece. It means even more that you let me know you're enjoying it.

NOTE: AS OF DECEMBER 2011, THIS STORY HAS BEEN REWRITTEN.

You know what that means, right? It means that all previous chapters, 1 through 3, has been replaced. None of the email dialogue has changed, but there are scenes in the stories now, not just email and text messages. I strongly encourage you to go back and read those chapters before you dive into this one.

I am terribly sorry for the long wait for the continuation of this piece. But it was really hard to get back into the mentality of this story since it was already completed in my mind. But I did it for you guys, because I want to share it that much.

Hopefully the story is still an enjoyable read.

I'll throw in an email explanation in every chapter so there's no doubt as to who is who.

Eragon: _nolotrjks_. Murtagh: _chiaroscuro_. Saphira: _sapphira_. Thorn: _ild_drage_. Aksel: _dAftpUnk_. Vanir: _V23_Th90_. Arya: _btrthnarwn_. Nasuada: _nas_blk_. Roran: _r_gson_. Katrina: _LadyLuck_. Tornac: _gnixes_. Durza: _drkshde_. Shruikan: _sh_darc_. Glaedr: _iMaestro_.

Not all of these characters appear in every chapter, but there will be references or maybe even group emails sent to people. This way you can do a quick-check to see who is who and who is being let in on what gossip.

* * *

><p><strong>RESTRICTED ACCESS<strong>

**AN INTERLUDE IN TWO PARTS**

When she had been dating Thorn, their relationship had been easy and comfortable. It hadn't felt all that different from being his friend. He had been more protective and perhaps even possessive, but otherwise the only real difference between their relationship and friendship was the sex.

Saphira had never imagined that she would find someone else as quickly as when she met Glaedr. She had been ready to maybe take a year off and travel the world for a few months when Glaedr had stumbled into her life.

Being with Glaedr felt like coming home. He wasn't like any of the men she had considered dating before, and perhaps that was why he fit with her so well. Barely a month into their relationship and it seemed like she lived at his place more than her own.

But that didn't mean they were never apart. Saphira knew they weren't ready for the step of actually moving in together. For now, it was nice to have a place to come back to after a few days at Glaedr's apartment.

The only downside was that she missed him terribly after only a few days. It also meant that she couldn't always explain things face to face, like she would have happily done had Glaedr called or asked her about this particular question earlier.

::

_**From: **__iMaestro_

_**To:**__ sapphira_

_**Subject:**__Btw_

_Sent 12.08.2010, 08.54 PM_

You haven't seen Shruikan lately, have you? I'm rarely over at the Arts building these days. Have you seen him in the hallways? He never answers the door anymore.

::

Saphira laughed to herself. No matter how many guy friends she had, it never ceased to amaze her how clueless they could be. She doubted Glaedr was in the dark about Shruikan's feelings, but apparently he hadn't heard about them actually getting together.

Saphira found her phone and scrolled down to the picture she was looking for. She had been lucky enough to run into them a few days earlier while stopping by to check on Thorn. And Saphira was never one to turn down the chance for some future blackmail material.

::

_**From: **__sapphira_

_**To:**__iMaestro_

_**Subject: **__re:Btw_

_Sent 12.08.2010, 09.01 PM_

_Attachment: p0082543_

As you can see, he's been a little busy.

::

_**From: **__iMaestro_

_**To:**__ sapphira_

_**Subject:**__re:re:Btw_

_Sent 12.08.2010, 09.03 PM_

Why, Saphira, I do believe I'm seeing a whole new side of you.

Also, should you have pictures like this of your ex?

::

She laughed. "If only you knew," she said to herself and wrote out a reply.

::

_**From: **__sapphira_

_**To:**__iMaestro_

_**Subject:**__re:re:re:Btw_

_Sent 12.08.2010, 09.07 PM_

Maybe not, but I can hardly deny that they're hot together. And as long as Thorn is happy, then it doesn't matter to me that we're not together anymore.

::

_**From: **__iMaestro_

_**To:**__ sapphira_

_**Subject:**__re:re:re:re:Btw_

_Sent 12.08.2010, 09.08 PM_

A lot of girls should be like you. Everyone is afraid of the dreaded "ex-girlfriend".

::

_**From: **__sapphira_

_**To:**__iMaestro_

_**Subject: **__Oh really?_

_Sent 12.08.2010, 09.10 PM_

Even you, Glaedr?

::

_**From: **__iMaestro_

_**To:**__ sapphira_

_**Subject:**__re:Oh really?_

_Sent 12.08.2010, 09.13 PM_

Oh yeah. Even me.

::

_**From: **__sapphira_

_**To:**__iMaestro_

_**Subject:**__re:re:Oh really?_

_Sent 12.08.2010, 09.15 PM_

Poor you. I'll save you, love.

::

_**From: **__iMaestro_

_**To:**__ sapphira_

_**Subject:**__3_

_Sent 12.08.2010, 09.20 PM_

I love you, Saph. But seriously, if my ex ever comes around, you'll have to excuse me for running in the other direction. She's freaking insane!

::

Saphira tried not to laugh. It never ceased to amaze her just how terrible it seemed for men to run into their previous girlfriends. Granted, she only had one ex of her own, and she and Thorn got along as well now as they had done before their relationship. She could only pretend to understand what some people went through.

But, nonetheless, it was hard not to laugh when she could practically hear Glaedr's terrified voice in her mind as she read.

::

_**From: **__sapphira_

_**To:**__iMaestro_

_**Subject:**__re:3_

_Sent 12.08.2010, 09.21 PM_

What, you're not going to stay and watch me catfight?

::

_**From: **__iMaestro_

_**To:**__ sapphira_

_**Subject:**__re:re:3_

_Sent 12.08.2010, 09.24 PM_

...Can I try again?

I would very much watch you – I mean, stay there and help you stare down my ex.

::

Saphira smirked. "I bet you would."

::

_**From: **__sapphira_

_**To:**__iMaestro_

_**Subject:**__re:re:re:3_

_Sent 12.08.2010, 09.26 PM_

If I didn't love you, Glaedr.

::

_**From: **__iMaestro_

_**To:**__ sapphira_

_**Subject:**__3 3_

_Sent 12.08.2010, 09.32 PM_

I know. I'm the luckiest guy in the world.

How about I treat you to dinner at la Mez tomorrow night to show you just how much I love you?

::

"Men," she said fondly. "I'm so glad I had you trained early, Glaedr."

::

_**From: **__sapphira_

_**To:**__iMaestro_

_**Subject:**__re:3 3_

_Sent 12.08.2010, 09.33 PM_

Flattery will get you nowhere.

But you may pick me up at 7.30 pm. And wear that light blue shirt.

::

_**From: **__iMaestro_

_**To:**__ sapphira_

_**Subject:**__re:re:3 3_

_Sent 12.08.2010, 09.35 PM_

Yes dear.

::

Saphira nodded to herself and grabbed her daybook. It never hurt to blackmail a bit if you got a date out of it.

-:-

_**From: **__r_gson_

_**To: **__nolotrjks_

_**Subject:**__Winter break_

_Sent 12.10.2010, 11.43 AM_

Hello there, coz.

Katrina and I are coming to visit the rest of the family this Christmas. Break it down for me: what should I expect?

::

"Oh boy," Eragon said to himself.

He had actually forgotten that it was Christmas already. He had only just finished his last exam and come up for air. Everything else ceased to exist until the last exam was handed in. Remembering relatives was always low on the list, unless they were his psychotic half-brother.

It was impossible to forget Murtagh, especially since he always popped up when you least wanted him to.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To: **__r_gson_

_**Subject:**__re:Winter break_

_Sent 12.10.2010, 12.04 PM_

finally crawled out of your hole in Ceunon, eh?

things are pretty much the same over here. there is no boyfriend of mine for you to intimidate. Murtagh is also single, though you know he will outwit you if you try to mock him for it

if you see Thorn, don't ask him how his girlfriend is. they broke up months ago. he's with a guy now. yes; he's bisexual, no; it's not recent and yes; I have told you this before

Saphira is seeing someone else by the way, before you try to get them back together again. she's very happy with her guy. don't say a word to either of them about getting back together

other than that, Arya and Nasuada are still together, Aksel is still a total spatz and both Tornac and Durza are single

::

_**From: **__r_gson_

_**To: **__nolotrjks_

_**Subject:**__re:re:Winter break_

_Sent 12.10.2010, 12.09 PM_

...Why is everyone you know gay?

::

_**From: **__LadyLuck_

_**To: **__nolotrjks, r_gson_

_**Subject:**__re:re:re:Winter break_

_Sent 12.10.2010, 12.11 PM_

Ignore Roran. He's very happy for all of your friends.

Also Roran; the two of us, Saphira and Glaedr are all heterosexual and Thorn is bisexual. Stop generalizing.

::

Eragon could literally kiss Katrina. If it hadn't been for her, he would probably have hit his cousin ages ago. Roran could be far too dense sometimes.

::

_**From: **__r_gson _

_**To: **__LadyLuck, nolotrjks_

_**Subject:**__re:re:re:re:Winter break_

_Sent 12.10.2010, 12.13 PM_

Yes, dear.

::

_**From: **__LadyLuck_

_**To: **__nolotrjks, r_gson_

_**Subject:**__re:re:re:re:re:Winter break_

_Sent 12.10.2010, 12.14 PM_

We will arrive on the 23rd. How is uncle Garrow?

::

"Shit," Eragon muttered. He saw his uncle far too little as it was. The only reason he even knew how things were going with him was because his mother called every weekend to check up on him.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ r_gson, LadyLuck_

_**Subject:**__Garrow_

_Sent 12.10.2010, 12.23 PM_

right! sorry

Garrow is good. mom keeps him company a lot. his leg cramped up a bit about a week ago because it was so cold, but mom says he's better now

::

_**From: **__r_gson _

_**To:**__ nolotrjks, LadyLuck_

_**Subject:**__re:Garrow_

_Sent 12.10.2010, 12.25 PM_

Dammit! Isn't that old man using his cane?

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ r_gson, LadyLuck_

_**Subject:**__re:re:Garrow_

_Sent 12.10.2010, 12.31 PM_

he is, but sometimes even that doesn't work

::

_**From: **__LadyLuck _

_**To:**__ r_gson, nolotrjks_

_**Subject:**__re:re:re:Garrow_

_Sent 12.10.2010, 12.33 PM_

It's an old injury, Roran. Stay calm.

Then we will see you soon, Eragon. Give love to everyone from us.

::

_**From: **__nolotrjks _

_**To:**__ r_gson, LadyLuck_

_**Subject:**__re:re:re:re:Garrow_

_Sent 12.10.2010, 12.35 PM_

I will. see you soon!

::

He grimaced. There was no lost love between Roran and Murtagh, despite Katrina's intervening. So, despite what he had written, Eragon was only going to leave out Roran when he talked to Murtagh.

Eragon knew that a lot of those feelings were handed down from Garrow to Roran, especially concerning Murtagh. Garrow had genuinely hated his sister's first husband, Morzan. That had only gotten worse when he realised that Morzan was beating Selena and their one year old son Murtagh.

Eragon was proud of his mom for leaving Morzan when she did. He knew it couldn't have been easy, especially with a child. He was also glad, because otherwise Selena would never have met Brom and Eragon wouldn't have been born.

But he was going to shake his head at Roran until he realised that Murtagh was never going to be like his father. Besides, Garrow was noticeably less gruff around Murtagh than he had been just a few years before. If Garrow could see the difference between Murtagh and Morzan, then was about time Roran grew up and did the same.

* * *

><p><strong>TBC<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>AN **Originally this chapter was two separate interludes. But since they were both so short and I couldn't come up with any fun scenes to add in-between in this time-frame, I decided to stick them together. The story therefore has become shorter, chapter wise, as I'll be doing this with every interlude in the story, but word wise it has become twice as long.

Now, I haven't finished rewriting the next chapter, but I wanted to post something before you all thought I was dead or AWOL. I blame college. Really, I do. And life. And the fact that this story was pretty and nearly perfect before I had to effing rewrite it. *sigh*

Oh well.

Sadly, this is the only piece I have been working on lately. College really has me by the balls. I haven't had the time to really write anything. But as soon as Christmas arrives, I plan to write more on other pieces, as well as this one. Hopefully my muses will cooperate.

But that is all for now, folks. I hope you enjoyed this and that you, if you knew the story in its old form, still like it.

Until Christmas, darlings!


	5. Chapter Four

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Eragon or anything associated with the Inheritance Cycle.

**Claimer: ** I, SussieKitten, own this plot and the story. Borrow or steal my plot, my original characters (Aksel) or story and I will report you. I also own my version of Saphira/Thorn/Shruikan/Glaedr's human appearances, as well as my characterisation of good!Durza and Tornac.

**Warnings:** Slash/Shōnen-ai – meaning mild guy x guy action. Femslash/Shōjo-ai – meaning mild girl x girl action. Het – meaning mild guy x girl action. Swearing or strong language. Humoristic elements – beware of crack. Mentions of alcohol consumption. **Weird pairings – watch out for surprise crack pairings.** If any of this disturbs you, click on the "back" button. I won't tolerate any flames.

**A/N** A huge thanks to everyone who reviewed and to those that still reads this story. It means a lot to know that you guys haven't given up on it yet. Things have been crazy on my end since before Christmas. Hopefully I can get out something at least once a month. But more often than that? Not likely. I'm juggling three courses and, well, an insane amount of exams. Just bear with me.

This is basically where the past pairings are revealed. Whether or not the characters actually get together is a whole other matter. ;)

I'll throw in an email explanation in every chapter so there's no doubt as to who is who.

Eragon: _nolotrjks_. Murtagh: _chiaroscuro_. Saphira: _sapphira_. Thorn: _ild_drage_. Aksel: _dAftpUnk_. Vanir: _V23_Th90_. Arya: _btrthnarwn_. Nasuada: _nas_blk_. Roran: _r_gson_. Katrina: _LadyLuck_. Tornac: _gnixes_. Durza: _drkshde_. Shruikan: _sh_darc_. Glaedr: _iMaestro_.

Not all of these characters appear in every chapter, but there will be references or maybe even group emails sent to people. This way you can do a quick-check to see who is who and who is being let in on what gossip.

* * *

><p><strong>RESTRICTED ACCESS<strong>

**CHAPTER FOUR**

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro, ild_drage, V23_Th90, btrthnarwn, nas_blk, drkshde, sh_darc, iMaestro, nolotrjks, sapphira, dAftpUnk_

_**Subject: **__Post-Exam Bash!_

_Sent 12.11.2010, 05.14 PM_

Post-Exam Bash at my place on the 20th! You know you want to be there.

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ drkshde_

_**Subject: **__re:Post-Exam Bash!_

_Sent 12.11.2010, 05.15 PM_

PS: No cameras, Durza. Blackmail is so not cool.

-:-

Tornac prided himself in knowing everything there was to know about his friends. If there was something he didn't know, he snooped until he found out what it was. And really, he only snooped for their sake. Sometimes people needed a friendly push.

But with Murtagh? Well, he was a little past friendly pushing. Clearly it was not working. So, as much as Murtagh often freaked him the fuck out, he had to do this.

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject: **__TOP SECRET!_

_Sent 12.13.2010, 04.21 PM_

Now that you've forgiven me...some...a little?...do you want me to provide you with something highly alcoholic for that dark and mysterious crush of yours at the post-exam party next week?

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural: <em>S3, ep.12 Bus in Jello - Henricksen: "I mean, after all, seeing you two in chains..." Dean: "You kinky son of a bitch, we don't swing that way."

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__chiaroscuro _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__TOP SECRET? Honestly, Tornac_

_Sent 12.13.2010, 05.01 PM_

No. And I don't recall even forgiving you a little.

::

Tornac winced. He had been afraid of that.

He and Murtagh had a special bond that, in its own way, was closer than that between Murtagh and Thorn. They were more than willing to die for each other, Tornac knew that.

He also knew that there were things he could do that Murtagh would kill him for.

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject: **__You know it was cool_

_Sent 12.13.2010, 05.07 PM_

I only kissed him! As you very well know. I am so sorry that I have fallen in love with your little brother!

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural: <em>S3, ep.12 Bus in Jello - Henricksen: "I mean, after all, seeing you two in chains..." Dean: "You kinky son of a bitch, we don't swing that way."

* * *

><p>::<p>

"...Shit."

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject: **__re:You know it was cool_

_Sent 12.13.2010, 05.09 PM_

...Any chance you can ignore that message?

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural: <em>S3, ep.12 Bus in Jello - Henricksen: "I mean, after all, seeing you two in chains..." Dean: "You kinky son of a bitch, we don't swing that way."

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__chiaroscuro _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__No_

_Sent 12.13.2010, 05.11 PM_

Run and hide, you asshole.

::

Apparently his brain had forgotten that mentioning any romantic relations towards Murtagh's darling little brother equalled certain death.

He didn't need further prompting. Tornac ran.

-:-

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ drkshde_

_**Subject: **__Read me_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 03.31 PM_

Should I provide with condoms for the party you WILL BE ATTENDING or will you be bringing your own?

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural: <em>S3, ep.10 Dream a Little Dream of Me - Dean: "Dude, you were making some serious happy noises. Who are you dreaming about? Angelina Jolie?" Sam: "No..." Dean: "Brad Pitt?" Sam: "No. No!"

* * *

><p>::<p>

If Durza hadn't known Tornac any better, he would have been surprised that Tornac was emailing him rather than talking to him in person. Then again, he did know Tornac. Sex was something Tornac had learned early never to talk to Durza in person.

It was for his own good. Durza naturally shared. If he overshared, it was only the other person's fault for having asked.

::

_**From: **__drkshde _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__re:Read me_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 03.47 PM_

Why would I be bringing any in the first place?

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ drkshde_

_**Subject: **__Seriously, Durza_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 03.50 PM_

When do you plan to make a move on Murtagh? Next century?

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural: <em>S3, ep.10 Dream a Little Dream of Me - Dean: "Dude, you were making some serious happy noises. Who are you dreaming about? Angelina Jolie?" Sam: "No..." Dean: "Brad Pitt?" Sam: "No. No!"

* * *

><p>::<p>

He crocked an eyebrow.

::

_**From: **__drkshde _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__Seriously, Tornac_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 04.00 PM_

How much have you been drinking?

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ drkshde_

_**Subject: **__DURZA!_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 04.03 PM_

You always do this! Stop it! Confess already!

You wank to the thought of fucking Murtagh hard into the nearest available surface.

Also, it's Tuesday afternoon. What do you think of me?

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural: <em>S3, ep.10 Dream a Little Dream of Me - Dean: "Dude, you were making some serious happy noises. Who are you dreaming about? Angelina Jolie?" Sam: "No..." Dean: "Brad Pitt?" Sam: "No. No!"

* * *

><p>::<p>

Durza had a list about things he thought about Tornac. It had suddenly become a lot longer and his name had moved up several places in his black book.

::

_**From: **__drkshde _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__What?_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 04.10 PM_

You know what I think of you.

You really should do something about this fetish you have with the Rider brothers. Isn't one enough for you?

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ drkshde_

_**Subject: **__Don't you "What?" me!_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 04.12 PM_

I have fucked Murtagh and Murtagh has fucked me. We both agreed that we were better as friends.

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural: <em>S3, ep.10 Dream a Little Dream of Me - Dean: "Dude, you were making some serious happy noises. Who are you dreaming about? Angelina Jolie?" Sam: "No..." Dean: "Brad Pitt?" Sam: "No. No!"

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__drkshde _

_**Subject:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 04.29 PM_

You two have had sex?

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ drkshde_

_**Subject: **__Seriously?_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 04.31 PM_

Yes. Several times.

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural: <em>S3, ep.10 Dream a Little Dream of Me - Dean: "Dude, you were making some serious happy noises. Who are you dreaming about? Angelina Jolie?" Sam: "No..." Dean: "Brad Pitt?" Sam: "No. No!"

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__drkshde _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 04.38 PM_

Good for you.

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ drkshde_

_**Subject: **__Ooooooh~_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 04.40 PM_

Is someone jealous?

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural: <em>S3, ep.10 Dream a Little Dream of Me - Dean: "Dude, you were making some serious happy noises. Who are you dreaming about? Angelina Jolie?" Sam: "No..." Dean: "Brad Pitt?" Sam: "No. No!"

* * *

><p>::<p>

And suddenly Tornac's name was on the top of his kill list. How fascinating.

::

_**From: **__drkshde _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__No_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 04.46 PM_

And stop pressing the issue.

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ drkshde_

_**Subject: **;__3_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 04.51 PM_

You are totally jealous!

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural: <em>S3, ep.10 Dream a Little Dream of Me - Dean: "Dude, you were making some serious happy noises. Who are you dreaming about? Angelina Jolie?" Sam: "No..." Dean: "Brad Pitt?" Sam: "No. No!"

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__drkshde _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 04.53 PM_

Stop. Now. Or I will kill you

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ drkshde_

_**Subject: **__re:_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 04.55 PM_

Shutting up.

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural: <em>S3, ep.10 Dream a Little Dream of Me - Dean: "Dude, you were making some serious happy noises. Who are you dreaming about? Angelina Jolie?" Sam: "No..." Dean: "Brad Pitt?" Sam: "No. No!"

* * *

><p>::<p>

Durza made a mental note to sharpen his hunting knife regardless.

He didn't just use it on people. Honest. Sometimes people needed a sharp knife nearby. For instance, their kitchen knives grew dull ridiculously quickly. Not from getting thrown at dartboards, of course. They were simply of poor quality.

And if he could use the knife to threaten a certain annoying roommate, well, that was only a bonus.

-:-

After Murtagh's abrupt exit the day before, Thorn honestly hadn't expected to hear from Tornac in a week. He knew Murtagh's moods quite intimately after having known the guy for so long. He knew that whenever Murtagh left the apartment in steel-toed boots, muddied jeans and swinging a baseball bat, someone was likely going to get murdered. And that was if they were lucky.

Considering Murtagh had mentioned Tornac before leaving, Thorn had been compelled to say a small prayer for Tornac's soul.

Therefore, getting an email was a startling – and slightly comforting – surprise. It meant that Murtagh hadn't done any permanent damage.

Hopefully.

But that Tornac was mentioning Murtagh was an even bigger surprise. Thorn could only hope that Tornac wasn't about to do something stupid. Tornac was lucky to not be in the hospital. If he did anything else to agitate Murtagh, Thorn knew the guy could easily end up there.

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ ild_drage_

_**Subject: **__FINALLY!_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 05.13 PM_

I finally have the evidence, Thorn! Durza fancies Murtagh!

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural:<em> S4 ep.18 Monsters at the End of this Book – Dean: "You just thought I'm a dick." Sam: "Guy's good."

* * *

><p>::<p>

Thorn wanted to groan. Sometimes it seemed like the people he knew had no self-preservation instinct. He wasn't even thinking about Aksel.

...Well, he wasn't _only_thinking about Aksel.

Thorn could only hope that whatever Tornac had done to get such a confession out of the ever-reserved Durza, it had not happened while they were in the same room. They were roommates, and Durza could carry a grudge like no other.

If Thorn hadn't known any better, he could easily have suspected that Durza was a sociopath. It was a wonder that Murtagh actually liked the guy, bad-boy complex or no.

::

_**From: **__ild_drage _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__re:FINALLY!_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 05.17 PM_

Seriously? Well, send it over, then

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ ild_drage_

_**Subject: **__re:re:FINALLY!_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 05.21 PM_

_Attachment: epic_convo_Durza_finally_admits_it_docx_

Mwhahaha.

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural: <em>S4 ep.18 Monsters at the End of this Book – Dean: "You just thought I'm a dick." Sam: "Guy's good."

* * *

><p>::<p>

Thorn rolled his eyes at the title of the file as it loaded. When he read it, he quickly wished that he hadn't.

There were certain mental images he was better off without.

::

_**From: **__ild_drage _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__re:re:re:FINALLY!_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 05.23 PM_

...When did you and Murtagh have sex?

::

Like that one. OH GOD, he so did _not_ need to imagine that.

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ ild_drage_

_**Subject: **__What?_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 05.28 PM_

That's all you got out of that?

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural:<em> S4 ep.18 Monsters at the End of this Book – Dean: "You just thought I'm a dick." Sam: "Guy's good."

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__ild_drage _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__Yes_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 05.31 PM_

Basically, yeah

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ ild_drage_

_**Subject: **__Whut?_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 05.34 PM_

But he totally admits it!

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural:<em> S4 ep.18 Monsters at the End of this Book – Dean: "You just thought I'm a dick." Sam: "Guy's good."

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ ild_drage_

_**Subject: **__re:Whut?_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 05.41 PM_

Where? I can't see it.

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ ild_drage_

_**Subject: **__Jesus_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 05.45 PM_

Alright, I'll break it down for you:

- whenever his feeling for Murtagh comes up, he always starts talking about something else entirely

- he was totally jealous of me having had sex with Murtagh first

AND

- he threatened me with bodily harm if I didn't stop talking about Murtagh and me having sex

So there!

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural:<em> S4 ep.18 Monsters at the End of this Book – Dean: "You just thought I'm a dick." Sam: "Guy's good."

* * *

><p>::<p>

Thorn was glad that Tornac had said this to Durza over email. He had a strong feeling that if Tornac had dared to say that to Durza face-to-face, he would have found himself without a face.

He was also glad that he wasn't talking to Tornac in person about this. His right eye was seizing enough from _reading_ about his friends and sex in the same sentence.

::

_**From:**__ ild_drage_

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__re:Jesus_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 05.54_

I feel like threatening you with bodily harm if you don't stop talking about Murtagh and you having sex, and I don't fancy either of you

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ ild_drage_

_**Subject: **__I'm surrounded by morons_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 05.57 PM_

Seriously. What. The. Fuck. Why can't you see it?

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural:<em> S4 ep.18 Monsters at the End of this Book – Dean: "You just thought I'm a dick." Sam: "Guy's good."

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__ild_drage _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__Channelling Murtagh, are we?_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 06.02 PM_

Alright, so maybe he was more hostile than usual, but you should find some serious evidence before you start telling everyone that Durza likes Murtagh. It's way more obvious that Murtagh likes Durza

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ ild_drage_

_**Subject: **__Hn. _

_Sent 12.14.2010, 06.06 PM_

Fine. I guess I will just have to keep looking. And stalking.

* * *

><p><em>Supernatural:<em> S4 ep.18 Monsters at the End of this Book – Dean: "You just thought I'm a dick." Sam: "Guy's good."

* * *

><p>::<p>

Thorn blinked. Stalking? That did not sound good. Whenever Tornac and stalking were mentioned in the same sentence, bad things happened.

::

_**From: **__ild_drage _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__Tornac?_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 06.07 PM_

Stalking? I don't think that's a good idea

::

Thirty minutes later, Thorn could only swear and admit defeat. Calling Tornac would probably do more damage than good.

Now he could only send of a few less-than-encouraging words and try not to look up the nearest funeral home. He just hoped that Tornac played it smart and didn't involve Aksel.

::

_**From: **__ild_drage _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__...Tornac?_

_Sent 12.14.2010, 06.41 PM_

Oh boy. I'll start preparing for your funeral. You've been a good friend

-:-

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__dude. so not cool_

_Sent 12.15.2010, 07.08 PM_

you should have told me the guy you wanted me to co-stalk was fucking hot and fucking SCARY! o.O

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> OH NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ dAftpUnk_

_**Subject: **__ahahaa...sorry_

_Sent 12.15.2010, 07.12 PM_

I needed a co-stalker, and you're the best one I've got. Just make sure he doesn't see you, and you're fine.

::

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__..._

_Sent 12.15.2010, 07.14 PM_

and if he does see me?

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> OH NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

* * *

><p>::<p>

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ dAftpUnk_

_**Subject: **__Young grasshopper_

_Sent 12.15.2010, 07.17 PM_

- Then you run like you've never run before.

::

_**From: **__dAftpUnk _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__yes master_

_Sent 12.15.2010, 07.21 PM_

I had to. lol.

* * *

><p><em>Amnesia the Dark Decent:<em> OH NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

* * *

><p>-:-<p>

_**From: **__gnixes_

_**To:**__ btrthnarwn_

_**Subject: **__Help me, please_

_Sent 12.19.2010, 11.17 AM_

Arya, lesbian love of my life, pretty please help me?

::

Arya had to laugh. Oh, this was _priceless_. Tornac begging? Suddenly the day, bleak with Nasuada stuck with a night-shift, looked a whole lot better.

::

_**From: **__btrthnarwn _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__Pay the piper_

_Sent 12.19.2010, 11.29 PM_

What are you willing to give me in return?

::

_**From: **__gnixes_

_**To:**__ btrthnarwn_

_**Subject: **__Bitch, please_

_Sent 12.19.2010, 11.32 PM_

One bottle of your favourite vodka and you may borrow one of my pornos. I'm sure you can supply with the rest for a fun night with your girlfriend.

::

She smirked. "You know me well, friend."

::

_**From: **__btrthnarwn _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__Deal~_

_Sent 12.19.2010, 11.35 PM_

So, how can I help you, my love?

::

_**From: **__gnixes_

_**To:**__ btrthnarwn _

_**Subject: **__zhank yooo~_

_Sent 12.19.2010, 11.38 PM_

Aksel and I need another stalker. One that is less conspicuous than him and me. Are you up for it?

::

She laughed. Conspicuous was a very appropriate word. As much as the boys pretended to be super-sneaky secret agents, they failed. Rather horribly, at that. It was a wonder neither of them had gotten a restraining order yet.

Well, Tornac wasn't all bad. Her adorable half-brother was another story all-together.

::

_**From: **__btrthnarwn _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__You sly dog_

_Sent 12.19.2010, 11.40 PM_

Give me the details and I'll prove I can stalk better than you and my darlin' little brother.

::

_**From: **__gnixes_

_**To:**__ btrthnarwn _

_**Subject: **__This is NOT a TOP SECRET message!_

_Sent 12.19.2010, 11.46 PM_

Welcome agent _Better Than Arwen_

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to stalk Durza Shade and gather the necessary evidence to prove to anyone, ESPECIALLY Murtagh Rider, that Durza wants to fuck him 24/7.

Stalk him, gather photographic, audio, video and/or written evidence and report back to base.

Good luck, agent. You will need it.

::

Arya spared a second to snort at Tornac's dorkiness. The rest of the message was another thing.

She didn't mingle with Durza much, and preferred it that way. She had nothing against him, but Durza often unnerved her. It could be his playboy attitude, his pseudo-sociopathic tendencies, or it could be that he had out-blackmailed her more than once.

If there was one thing Arya hated, then it was to be out-blackmailed. And Durza was _good_, dammit.

She looked forward to getting back at the bastard.

::

_**From: **__btrthnarwn _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__orly?_

_Sent 12.19.2010, 11.49 PM_

You're such a dork, Tornac. But that's why I love you~

Durza, eh? Oh yeah, this is going to be fun. Who is covering Murtagh?

::

_**From: **__gnixes _

_**To:**__ btrthnarwn_

_**Subject: **__Target #2_

_Sent 12.19.2010, 11.52 PM_

Target Number 2 is covered by agent _Ild Drage_, aka Fire Dragon. He has permission to get help from agent _No LotR Jokes_. This mission is highly classified and delicate. We appreciate your help with gathering evidence from Target Number 1.

::

_**From: **__btrthnarwn _

_**To:**__ gnixes_

_**Subject: **__You dork_

_Sent 12.19.2010, 11.54 PM_

Seriously. ;)

::

Arya smirked. Tornac's Christmas Bash was due to start in just over twenty-four hours. She had to do some quick research beforehand, but she would be ready in time for the party.

Those boys would never know what hit them.

-:-

_**From:**__ drkshde _

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject: **_

_Sent 12.28.2010, 01.28 PM_

You free tomorrow?

::

_**From:**__ chiaroscuro _

_**To:**__ drkshde_

_**Subject: **__re:_

_Sent 12.28.2010, 01.37 PM_

When and where?

::

_**From:**__ drkshde _

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject: **__re:re:_

_Sent 12.28.2010, 01.40 PM_

5. My place.

::

_**From:**__ chiaroscuro _

_**To:**__ drkshde_

_**Subject: **__re:re:re:_

_Sent 12.28.2010, 01.42 PM_

5 is good, but my place is better. Thorn is working tomorrow.

::

_**From:**__ drkshde _

_**To:**__ chiaroscuro_

_**Subject: **__re:re:re:re:_

_Sent 12.28.2010, 01.45 PM_

Deal.

* * *

><p><strong>TBC<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>AN** I hope the chapter, pseudo-cliffhanger and all, was worth the wait. Ahem.

The next chapter is an interlude that I've expanded a bit. It was simply too short to be put up alone and I didn't want to add it onto the next actual "chapter". Each chapter has its own flow and I'm not going to mess with that.

But that is all for now. I promise something really good soon. Or, well, something that I know most of my readers have been looking for. I feel terrible. I really am very sorry for the delay.

I hope you enjoyed this little snippet.

Until next time.


	6. Interlude II

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Eragon or anything associated with the Inheritance Cycle.

**Claimer: ** I, SussieKitten, own this plot and the story. Borrow or steal my plot, my original characters (Aksel) or story and I will report you. I also own my version of Saphira/Thorn/Shruikan/Glaedr's human appearances, as well as my characterisation of good!Durza and Tornac.

**Warnings:** Slash/Shōnen-ai – meaning mild guy x guy action. Femslash/Shōjo-ai – meaning mild girl x girl action. Het – meaning mild guy x girl action. Swearing or strong language. Humoristic elements – beware of crack. Mentions of alcohol consumption. **Weird pairings – watch out for surprise crack pairings.** If any of this disturbs you, click on the "back" button. I won't tolerate any flames.

**A/N **Hello all. As you can see, I'm not dead or MIA. I've just been very, very busy. However, I do have to apologise for the long wait between chapters. Self-betaing is hard, especially when you have to top it off with revising (as is what I'm doing with this piece).

In short about what has been keeping me; life and school. Stuff like that will always get in the way. But I have more time on my hands now; I just need to get those plot bunnies going.

I'm leaving a short note at the end of the chapter to those who are interested in knowing what I'm doing right now as well as a few story updates. Otherwise, enjoy this short interlude.

I'll throw in an email explanation in every chapter so there's no doubt as to who is who.

Eragon: _nolotrjks_. Murtagh: _chiaroscuro_. Saphira: _sapphira_. Thorn: _ild_drage_. Aksel: _dAftpUnk_. Vanir: _V23_Th90_. Arya: _btrthnarwn_. Nasuada: _nas_blk_. Roran: _r_gson_. Katrina: _LadyLuck_. Tornac: _gnixes_. Durza: _drkshde_. Shruikan: _sh_darc_. Glaedr: _iMaestro_.

Not all of these characters appear in every chapter, but there will be references or maybe even group emails sent to people. This way you can do a quick-check to see who is who and who is being let in on what gossip.

* * *

><p><strong>RESTRICTED ACCESS<strong>

**ONE LONESOME INTERLUDE**

If it was one thing their group knew how to do, then it was to drink and do plenty of drunken shenanigans. That didn't mean they couldn't get together without drinking. The summer usually passed without too much alcohol consumption.

But the holidays? Oh, they sure knew how to drink then. And despite the short week and a half window between Tornac's Christmas Bash and New Year's Eve, plenty of people were on their way to getting drunk again.

Eragon was not one of them.

Eragon remembered the last time he had drunk just enough. He could still feel the summer's heat on his skin and hot lips against his own. He was quite determined to stay sober to keep himself from doing anything stupid.

Besides, staying sober meant that he actually remembered what had happened the day after. Durza was undoubtedly taking pictures in his usual ninja fashion, but Eragon wanted to have some memories of his own for once. If his sober state prevented Durza from taking any embarrassing pictures of him and Tornac, then he'd call it a victory. Besides, Murtagh hardly needed any new reasons to go on a rampage.

That was another reason; keeping an eye on his brother. Eragon searched the room. Along the way, he spotted Thorn leaning comfortably into Shruikan's chest. Shruikan's drink was amber. Whiskey or bourbon, Eragon guessed. He was never going to tell Murtagh he could tell the difference of alcohol depending on their shade. His brother was ridiculously protective without additional ammunition.

Thorn was apparently not drinking at all. Eragon knew why. They were both on Murtagh duty.

Another glance around the room made him catch Arya's eye. She winked at him, arm looped around Nasuada's waist. They were both drinking, but Arya had the constitution of an ox. She was nowhere near tipsy. Eragon was jealous of her endurance. He was a lightweight and knew it.

Saphira and Glaedr were cuddling on the couch in front of the TV. Eragon couldn't tell what exactly they were watching, but as it was just an hour before they rang in the New Year, it was probably some count-down show.

He winced as he heard Aksel trying to sing along to whatever song was playing. Aksel was notorious for staying out of tune. It was downright painful to hear him warble sometimes, especially when he was tipsy.

Then again, he couldn't blame the guy. By some miracle, Vanir had showed up. The stuck-up ass was currently discussing something or another with Durza, of all people. The only people that talked to Durza were Tornac (because they were roommates), Shruikan (because, even on a good day, he could be even more terrifying than Durza) and Nasuada (who apparently got along with everybody). Murtagh didn't count because...well, he didn't count.

Eragon saw Tornac come out of the bathroom and blushed. He looked away quickly. He couldn't afford to think about Tornac now. He briefly noted that he and Aksel banded together to croon along with whatever song was playing over the radio.

Eragon sighed and made his way over to the kitchen. When he came back, he had another quick look around the room. He couldn't find Murtagh, but that was not a new occurrence. Any occasion that called for couples kissing or romantic gestures made Murtagh break out in hives. He had a special place on his hate-board for Christmas, New Year's and Valentine's Day.

Eragon would never ever get the inner workings of his big brother. And, considering _who _his big brother was, Eragon didn't mind one bit.

::

Arya watched Eragon blush for the tenth time that evening. If this carried on, he'd break his current record. If he knew what was good for him, he wouldn't. Arya had placed good money on that record getting broken the second week of February. For his sake, Eragon had better last that long.

She looked around the room and tried to place her target. _Shit_. Durza had been in the room no more than a minute ago. Where had the bastard gone off to?

"Who are you looking for?"

Arya looked over at her girlfriend. Nasuada's cheeks were a bit pinker than normal. If this carried on, she probably wouldn't have a problem kissing at midnight. There were some advantages to alcohol, Arya mused quietly.

"Nothing, love." She leaned over and stole a bit of Nasuada's drink. "Eragon sure is blushing a lot tonight, isn't he?"

Nasuada only shook her head amusedly.

::

Thorn looked away from the count-down and tried to find Murtagh for the fifth time in as many minutes. Dammit, where had he run off to? He knew Murtagh hated these gatherings, especially when kissing or romance might be involved, even more so if a certain crazy asshole was present, but this was pushing it. He had been absent for at least an hour.

He did a mental headcount and wasn't surprised to only find Murtagh missing. Well, at least he could conclude that he wasn't off drunkenly snogging someone in their group. God only knew it had happened. More than once.

Ahem.

::

Saphira looked away from Glaedr and Shruikan's discussion of...something...and tried to find Aksel. She hadn't seen him since their arrival, though she had heard him. She really hoped he was ok, what with the twit Vanir being there and all.

She found him quickly enough. He was hanging off of Tornac, drinking from what she really hoped was a plastic bottle. She couldn't tell at this distance. Saphira could, however, tell that he had already had a few too many. Aksel was rubbish enough at handling breakable objects in a sober state. Alcohol did not help in the slightest.

She watched him say something to Tornac and nearly fall flat on his arse. She shook her head. "Oh, Aksel."

"Did you say something, sweetheart?"

Saphira turned back to her boyfriend. "No, nothing."

Glaedr didn't call her on it, but the arm tightened just a little around her shoulders. Good boy. She really had trained him well.

::

Shruikan looked out at the crowd as the bell rang in the New Year's. He pulled Thorn just a bit closer as the other couples kissed. He heard Nasuada's slightly drunken giggle and a soft sigh from Saphira. He cupped the back of Thorn's head and knew Thorn understood what he meant.

He spared a glance at the others as well, the date-less. He saw the too wide smile on Aksel's face, the way Tornac favoured his left side still. He saw Vanir distancing himself even further, Eragon's tense pose and averted gaze. He saw Durza put away his phone without really having used it.

In the far back, he saw Murtagh reappear, cheeks flushed from the cold. Shruikan felt Thorn shift and settle beside him, now having found who he was looking for.

He felt Arya's sharp gaze at them, but knew it wasn't meant for him. Whatever was going on between her, Eragon and Thorn, he wanted no part in it.

Shruikan snorted and looked back towards the celebrations on the flat-screen. His eyes met Glaedr's briefly. He saw that they were both thinking the same thing.

The New Year had the promise of being very interesting indeed.

-:-

_**From: **__nas_blk_

_**To:**__ btrthnarwn _

_**Subject: **__Hon?_

_Sent 01.05.2011, 02.59 PM_

Durza asked me why you were stalking him today. I'm rather curious about the answer myself.

::

_**From: **__btrthnarwn _

_**To:**__ nas_blk_

_**Subject: **__Babe~_

_Sent 01.05.2011, 03.15 PM_

Seriously? He saw me? Damn. Apparently my stalking skills need to be honed a little more.

And we're trying to gather evidence of Durza and Murtagh's man-crushes on each other.

::

_**From: **__nas_blk _

_**To:**__ btrthnarwn_

_**Subject: **__...Oh honey_

_Sent 01.05.2011, 03.18 PM_

That's a fool's errand. They need to work this out on their own. They will never let you catch them saying anything like that. So unless you plan to spy on them in the shower...

::

_**From: **__nas_blk _

_**To:**__ btrthnarwn_

_**Subject: **__Read me_

_Sent 01.05.2011, 03.20 PM_

If you know what's good for you, you will ignore my previous message. Do not spy on them in the shower!

::

_**From: **__btrthnarwn _

_**To:**__ nas_blk_

_**Subject: **__re:...Oh honey_

_Sent 01.05.2011, 03.25 PM_

But it's such a brilliant idea! And really, you know I love YOU. I love boobs, not dicks. It's not like I'm getting off while watching them.

::

_**From: **__nas_blk _

_**To:**__ btrthnarwn_

_**Subject: **__..._

_Sent 01.05.2011, 03.27 PM_

TMI, love. TMI.

And you know you love watching gay men have sexual intercourse.

::

_**From: **__btrthnarwn _

_**To:**__ nas_blk_

_**Subject: **__busted?_

_Sent 01.05.2011, 03.28 PM_

You weren't protesting last night.

::

_**From: **__nas_blk _

_**To:**__ btrthnarwn_

_**Subject:**__ So busted_

_Sent 01.05.2011, 03.33 PM_

That's not the issue.

Just leave them alone, ok?

::

_**From: **__btrthnarwn _

_**To:**__ nas_blk_

_**Subject: **__Babe_

_Sent 01.05.2011, 03.36 PM_

I make no promises. I promised Tornac.

::

_**From: **__nas_blk _

_**To:**__ btrthnarwn_

_**Subject: **__*sigh*_

_Sent 01.05.2011, 03.39 PM_

That is so backwards, Arya.

::

_**From: **__btrthnarwn _

_**To:**__ nas_blk_

_**Subject: **__oh?_

_Sent 01.05.2011, 03.41 PM_

Just like last night~

::

_**From: **__nas_blk_

_**To:**__ btrthnarwn_

_**Subject: **__ARYA!_

_Sent 01.05.2011, 03.44 PM_

I'm in the library! No such talk over the internet!

::

_**From: **__btrthnarwn _

_**To:**__ nas_blk_

_**Subject: **__Yes, love?_

_Sent 01.05.2011, 03.48 PM_

Then wait for me. I'll be home at 5. See you then~

::

_**From: **__nas_blk_

_**To:**__ btrthnarwn_

_**Subject: **__No!_

_Sent 01.05.2011, 03.50 PM_

That is not what I meant!

::

_**From: **__nas_blk_

_**To:**__ btrthnarwn_

_**Subject:**__ re:No!_

_Sent 01.05.2011, 04.01 PM_

I mean it, Arya! Or you're sleeping on the couch.

* * *

><p><strong>TBC<strong>

* * *

><p><strong>AN** As you can see, this is an interlude where not a lot happens. I just wanted to give you guys a feeling of the characters and how they interact with each other. More will come, hopefully soon.

It is hella good to get back into the author seat, btw. So good, you have no idea. I've missed this.

On to the story notes;

**Obsession:** You should be pleased to hear that I've managed to get past a MAJOR bump when it came to the sequel. I'm still nowhere near completing the first chapter, let alone the rest of the actual story, but I'm past a very important bump in the road. (for more, check out the newest chapter of Obsession).

**Now I've Seen it All:** I have sadly not even started on the fifth chapter. And it's hard to post something that you haven't even written yet. I need to go about it slowly, as to not agitate myself further, so please be patient. The chapter will come, hopefully soon.

**Just Another Ordinary Day:** Sadly, the same applies to this story. I have not written the fourth and final chapter. I have a vague feeling of what I want to happen, but I'm not there yet. Please have patience.

**Poison:** I'm a little stuck on the twelfth chapter. A lot of things are happening in the thirteenth, so I have to lead up to it all. And that isn't as easy as I thought it was going to be. I hope you can all be patient.

**Restricted Access: **If I'm lucky, this is the story I'll be able to update while I'm struggling with the others. Sadly, I haven't rewritten the entire piece, so you're going to have to be patient here too. But I have actually written the skeleton of this piece, so it's easier to get going. Hopefully.

That is all I have to say about this chapter and my stories. I cannot say for sure when anything will be updated, but hopefully something else soon before the summer is over. I have missed uploading like you wouldn't believe.

On an unrelated note; I am now on **Tumblr**. You can find me under sussiekitten, shockingly enough. If you're interested, it's a way of knowing that I am alive, reblogging weird shenanigans and moaning about the weirdest plot bunnies in all of existence.

Until next time, guys.


End file.
